Red Over Lunar
by thescientist
Summary: ...what if Serenity betrays her senshi for once? The things they desire most are now theirs to claim but is it simpler to fight for destiny or is it simpler to give into a preordained destiny - always, always standing behind Serenity?
1. o dream theater

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Red over Lunar

Prologue: dream theater

"I've come a long way but I think its time to stop.

I'm going to take the long way away from here."  
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disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…^^;; 

Notes:

I'm going over ROL and revising chapters to better suit myself. Format, structure and development are being changed. 

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Had you said it, we would have stayed.

"You can die anytime. It's living that takes real courage."  
Had we heard it, we would have thought otherwise; contemplate it another direction. We would have sat behind your silver throne and pour our hearts and soul to your core just so you could smell the world at your control. We would have protected you and your happiness while ours wasted away. Is this foolish of us?  
(Selfish?)

We were born under your sight. We lived behind your shadows and knew destiny from the moment we set foot on solid ground. We knew who we were. So many millenniums born into your cauldron, wrapped around your finger in all your perspectives and now, we finally question our real purpose. 

Would you have told us it was selfish? That it was unrealistic to dream of things that could never be? Endymion was made to last with your love…who would last with us? There is no mortal man to withstand the strength of immortality. Endymion took the place of all man and became yours alone. Who would last that long with us? Who could we watch waste away as we grew old in spirit and unchanged in image?  
 …maybe we are selfish.

But had you told us, it would have made all the difference.  
Told us that we could never escape from you. Told us we were bound to your command for all eternity; even death could not relinquish our duty. Told us that…and we wouldn't have gone, searching for broken hearts to mend with ours. We wouldn't have become the dreamers we claim human beings are…but we really did think that maybe there was someone or something out there, for each of us, waiting like us…crying silently under the black holes of duty. 

Had I known that I could only run so far from the threads weaved already, I would have stopped a long time ago and let you win. I would not have left my heart open to the hunger that every men and women crave for. 

Do you know what it is that mortals search for, Serenity?

I don't but…sometimes when I close my eyes, I hear vague voices. I see a blend of an eternal world and a hallow emptiness. Here, sometimes I can almost catch it, this thing that mortals search for.

It may be sad, it may be suffering…but it is always beautiful and loving. 

Maybe its happiness. It must be. This is the gold and glory that all those who live and die wait for. 

I close my eyes again and this time its closer than ever…but had I known what I know now, I would not have opened my heart and let it soar under a fake prospect. Maybe then, it would be easier to live century by century, content with all that we don't have. 

We wouldn't have the yearning to wake up next to tousled hair and the never tiring of the warmth that would wrap around us protectively. Never tiring of the color eyes that meet our own every morning and those smiles that could make us forget everything. 

Smiles…

Or can we only watch you, Serenity?

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/a.n./ thank you for reading! =) 


	2. i firefly

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Red over Lunar

Chapter i…bold fireflies 

"Firefly, that is what you are."  
__________________________________

disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…^^;; 

Notes:

I'm going over ROL and revising chapters to better suit myself. Format, structure and development are being changed.

-_italics_ and **bold** emphasizes

-these ----- separate and show time frames

-'…' are thoughts

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The gates are closed and the crowds are gone. There are whispers from among the bushes, wailing across the flights of stone steps. The moon is silent with black hushes from the night sky and we sit cross-legged behind a dying bond fire. The fire struggled to breathe, to prevail over the crisp ashes of branches and logs but it was no use. I watched her move swiftly, a hand over the flames, dropping in sentiments. Another flicker of her wrist and the flames rose beyond my height. She is a mysterious woman. I wish I had known her better, beyond the charades of protecting. She caught my eyes in a side-glance and smiled with an eerie gloom.

She is such a mystery; but the others are too:

She was the one that had gathered us, picking up the telephone and in a sweet tone of lullabies, asked all of us to spend the night and keep each other company. I knew we couldn't resist; it had been years born onto years of isolation from the pact of the sisters in arms. So I showed up first near the eve of the day, stalling by the gates, weary of seeing her again. Weary of meeting the sisters I left behind when I took off on adventure to Europe. She had stayed bounded by her grandfather's wishes. The others? Traveling as well. We had all left, traveling away from Tokyo until the teenage years of friendship wavered into oceans of meaningless foams; and she was left standing alone in the shadows of her dissipating family.                                                                   

I stalled until I knew time was not running slowly. That was when I heard the footsteps of the others. When I turned around, I saw them, mature with years of trying to discover an identity. I knew they were unsuccessful as I was too. Their eyes were old and the glint of teenage rebellion and life was gone. "Mina. Makoto." That was all it took. We stood at the steps staring uncertainly until Mina smiled and rushed forward, dragging my frame within her embrace. We hugged in silence and Makoto soon joined in. We held each other for a while until another voice broke through.                                                                                                            "Well…what about me?"                                                                                                                  It was the raven-haired girl. She had smiled at our shock expressions and held her arms out. She looked so thin and frail, as if she had been very sick and was trying to slowly recover. We had held onto each other until we could no longer.

And we here now, sitting among each other in silent patience, talking to our inner voices. 

"Ne, Ami, how was Germany?" I looked up it was Rei speaking solemnly. Although her voice was directed to my direction, her eyes were still on the flames dancing almost as if in her palm. "I only heard of how you met a wonderful young man…but if you like, you could tell us about your wonderful young man, as well." Her eyes drew to me in a side-glance and she smiled. I blushed. 

"Rei, how can you say that? Our Ami-chan is blushing! Nevertheless, Ami, I _really_ do want to know…was he a good kisser? Was he _good _in bed and out of bed?" 

"Mina!" I was blushing. I was burning!

"What? I was just wondering you know and I wasn't talking about **that **if you were thinking **it**." Mina's blue eyes glared at me but they were shinning mischievously. She had on her innocent look. I know that look I know those eyes. She twisted her long hair in her hand and then let it go to sprout into straight ends of single strands. "And you probably did it…but you just don't want us to know, right Ami? It's ok. We can keep secrets." She nudged me. My face felt one hundred shades warmer. 

"You guys…!"

"Ami is as red as a tomato!" Makoto laughed and punched me playfully. I winced. I forgot how strong she was for such a gentle giant. 

"Calm down, guys! Do tell us about Germany though, Ami. I'm curious. Since all of you left boring Tokyo and me behind. I want to catch up on your adventures."

"Yeah," Makoto said, brushing her long bangs back. "I'm also curious about what happened in Tokyo during our absence. " She shot a meaningful glance at Rei.

"I'll tell you guys after your stories."

"Alright! Let's do story telling all night tonight."

Mina flashed me a Sailor V smile. I smiled back, touching my hot face. You guys…thank you for trying.

Thank you for waiting, as friends should, as sisters do when no one else is staying.

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Usagi walked through the dark streets of Tokyo, stopping only when she came to her designated area, drawing in deep breaths of the cold city air. She rubbed her temples, placing the image in her mind, placing all the events she had left. She smiled and took a step toward the gates that were locked. Her smile turned into a frown and she strained her ear, listening until she was sure. They were all there, talking. Without her. She gingerly turned around and walked away, her head hanging in cold…anger

All the better to get revenge, she thought sweetly. Her blue eyes squinted and she made out the dark shape amidst the shadows. 

"Mamoru." He stepped out with his arms outstretched. She ran into his arms and hugged him tightly. He held her petite frame just as well. "You…still smell of red roses." She smiled and caressed his face, taking in every inch. 

"Usagi…I've missed you. So much." He leaned down and kissed her, tasting every crook of her mouth, drawing in her tongue and tangling it with it. They finally pulled apart later when they felt the aching for fresh air. He wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked on through the streets of Tokyo, towering shadows of a plague of innocent love, or so it seemed.

Tomorrow, Usagi would get what she wanted and have everything she needed. Her smile broadened and she snuggled deeper into his arms. 

---------------------------------------------------

We talked and told stories as we promised and we heard everything. Mina went back to England to ignite her career in acting but she didn't act, she modeled instead, traveling from one country to another within a week. Of all the exotic places she had been…I kind of envy her. Ami went to Germany and worked on becoming a doctor. She did get her degrees but I guess from her words, she wasn't satisfied. It seemed like everyone was missing something. Rei had stayed in Tokyo. Her grandfather died a couple of months after all of our departures but she never spoke of such in any of her short letters to us. She always keeps everything in secrets, never telling unless it is necessary and vital. That will always be Rei. She stayed and finished her training as a priestess and eventually took on students to teach karate and ancient studies to.  

And the last, our leader that wasn't our leader but was our Princess. Much higher than a leader, more authority than our leader could ever hold: Usagi. Where did she go? Rei said nothing, that she heard nothing. I didn't expect much…Usagi had drifted far from us. She had her love; she had her future planned blissfully for her, living the fairytale life that all mother told to their children.

We tried looking for that fairytale when we had left. Although the others don't voice it, I know it. I can feel it within our bonds. After all, we are not sisters in arms for nothing. When I left, I had a yearning to find another purpose in life. I didn't want to face the…the **fact** that I was to protect Usagi forever. I didn't want to face the fact that I would never feel another kind of love, save for the love each of us had between each other. I tried searching, tried looking for an identity that could have made me smile and be happier but it never happened. I only returned here, to stroll the streets of Tokyo, to understand that love from a man to a woman was a private emotion to all of us; that it was a thing no senshi could try to experience because it would never come 

_Senshi are meant to be alone. Senshi **are** alone._

That such a desire would only result in lines of heartbreak. Now I know why so many broke my heart. 

----

We're still sitting here, all through the night, talking like we're still 14. I close my eyes and try to remember the idiocy we cooped back then but it's hard to remember. It seems too long to remember yet it was so short. I guess that was just the way life drifted.

But when I had left for Europe, and had roamed around Europe in glamour, I couldn't forget what I had tried to leave behind. It was true, the only reason I had a yearning was because I wanted to escape the romanticism passed from Usagi to Mamoru and from Mamoru to Usagi. Their love was definitely strong, so strong that even as the goddess of love, I couldn't handle it. How could I when I've never felt love but just tasted the tiny bits of crumbs and wrinkles of crushes? 

I had loved Europe…because I had met him there. I met him when I collapsed on the streets, almost being overrun by the fast paced cars. He saved me, pulled me from the streets to safety, a brief solid feeling in his arms. My legs had been scarred, bleeding in torn pieces. He offered to take me to my place but since his place was closer, I went with him, unafraid of what kind of person he was. I didn't care, the pain too immense. He cleaned my wounds, wrapped them up, and tapped my forehead, taunting me to be more careful next time. I thanked him profusely, embarrassed at my stupidity. I left a little bit later after he took me on a tour of his house, displaying his paintings of beautiful girls who were always smiling and images that he told me were ghosts, seducing him into dreams. The paintings of the ghosts were so abstract. He told me people did not understand them unless he explained it to them. However, when I saw them, I knew every meaning that he had painted in them with their intricate fingers and eyes and lips. He was a wonderful artist and I immediately fell for it. "You are the first to see that," he pointed out often, smiling. He was an odd man but handsome nonetheless. His hair was silver with a thick wave to it, glistening under a moon and almost dying in the sun. His eyes were a bit cold but they seemed ever growing from a shade of gray to hazel to ice blue. I loved it and endlessly, I wondered how it would have felt to feel his lips or to lace my fingers through his hair. I met him repeatedly and one day he got the idea and smiled. He leaned over to kiss me and let me weave my fingers into his hair. We met more and more, one night dancing under the moonlight to making love in his studio. He was beautiful in every sense.

"You have such beautiful eyes…you should never close them, even when you sleep." 

We ran, we laughed and we enjoyed each other so much that I even had the silly notion to think he would ask my hand in marriage. I dreamed that scene over and over that, it became even more delicate each time. 

Nevertheless, one day was all it took to make me cry. 

"Mina, I can't love someone like you and you can't love someone like me. If we were made for each other, then it was another lifetime ago. I know you won't stay with me." 

He disappeared after that as if he was never alive, as if I never meant anything. Despite what he said, he meant something to me. It felt as if he had ripped my heart open and let it bleed, bleed until it was dry and could cry no more. When I went to his studio on my last day in London, he had taken everything and there was nothing left to show of his existence except a painting he had left behind. He knew. 

"Venus" was all that was written on the painting. It was eyes…my eyes that he had painted. He detailed it to look almost as if it was alive, a different angle, a different emotion reflecting. I loved it but it made me cry. I cried so much because I realized his words.

The senshi were created to fight, to kill and to defend at the cost of whatever-even their life. He had been right when he said I wouldn't stay with him. My heart belonged to duty…under the spell of love. Not to him. 

Not to Kunzite. 

He was right to leave me. I would have given him no happiness and his eyes would eventually close before mine. His breath would have drawn hazard and I would still breathe not a day old but a thousand years young. If we were made for each other, then it was another lifetime ago.

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Fireflies…coming from the bushes…

I remember catching fireflies with broken nets. I remember falling into a stream, wet with childish glee but that was all a while ago, a lifetime ago. There was a boy that had led me, his name was Jadeite but I called him Jade. He had been my very "bestest" friend and had taken me on an adventure to see how beautiful the earth really was. I had doubted him but he didn't seem one bit heartbroken so we went and caught fireflies.

I remember how we had buckets full of fireflies and how we carried it laughing, holding each others hands to a cave where he had set up nets. They would help keep the fireflies from leaving, he told me. We poured them out of the buckets and they flew to the air, dancing around until our completely black surrounding was bright with light. I had been so delighted; I decided I would never doubt him again. 

"But, Jade! They're…growing dim! They're gonna die!"

_"I know. Fireflies have a very short life, Rei-chan. See, they don't live too long but they do live long enough to give life."_

He had been my "bestest" friend but that was all during the Silver Millennium. It's just a memory now that comes back to haunt me whenever I'm feeling sad or depress. I do really think it is him, Jade…my bestest friend although he has been dead for a thousand years. He's coming back in fragments of memories, trying to comfort me and make me happy like he promised he would do. I never doubted him. He will always be my bestest friend because only the bestest comes back… 

During the absence of the others I had been severely depressed, especially after grandpa died and I began to think of suicide, all the wonderful things it would bring. I even took a razor and began slitting my wrists; watching the blood flow out in droplets, watching it soak my skin. It awed me at first and I did it more and more until it fed me to stay alive. I barely ate but I didn't care because I was strong enough to wake up each morning…hungry to watch myself bleed. I wanted to test if I was still alive each morning. It was here when he came, unfolding onto me in a dream. He was a little boy and I was a little girl.

He took my hand and led me to the meadows of fireflies. He took my hand and we talked about life. And whenever he came back, we would still do the same things over and over but each time, he looked a bit different as I also did.

When he would leave, each time he would tell me that I will always be his bestest friend…and that he loved me. 

He would disappear and tell me…_"Be strong, Rei-chan! Be strong!"_

If he hadn't come back to me in dreams…I don't think I would have survived that time. I would have kept on starving myself and cutting myself. 

I miss him so much now though because I can only see him through dreams and it's so real that I can almost believe he's alive and breathing. 

The senshi don't know of him though; they don't know of the past but its better to keep it this way. I don't want them to be sadder than they already are, remembering how they all had loved and lost because of _duty_. We all have love and lost…except for the princess… The princess…she would always get what she wanted and all of her cravings will be heightened tomorrow… I must tell them now.

It might be our only chance. _Thank you, Jade. I love you too..._

-----

"You guys…I hate to be the bearer of bad news," Rei said as she aroused their attentions. Everyone looked at her gravely. Apparently, they had all been engrossed in their own thoughts. "But, I didn't call this meeting to bring us back, although it was a part of it." She smiled at them in her usual cool demeanor. 

"What is it Rei?" Makoto asked gravely as she looked at her friend seriously. She must take on her role. 

----

"Ne…Rei…are you afraid to…die?" 

"Why are you asking me that? You are going to be the first to step against the Princess, anyway."

"You're right. But I can't help it. I am supposed to be the leader…what am I, leading you guys to death?"

"Mina, it's because you're our leader that however you command us, we will follow you. Duty before self; the lesson we've been taught ever since the birth of the Silver Millennium."

"Ah…you're right."

"And even if you afraid, Mina, don't be. We're behind you."

"Yeh, senshi must stick together because they've got no one else." 

Makoto offered a smile and a hand. Mina took it and embraced her tall friend, trying to get a feel of reality before she lost it. Was death that frightening? She pulled from Makoto and stared aimlessly at the gray skies. They would all get to taste the seduction of death. How would it feel like to die like a mortal? Dying and **knowing** there was no chance you were coming back to finish the half-walked path you've begun. She shrank back. There was no use thinking this way because there was no place for such a thinker. This encounter would be inevitable and she would have to face the Princess with her senshi behind her. 

That was the leader's fate. Her fate.

Ami placed a shoulder on Mina's shoulder and smiled. "You don't have to worry alone just because you are our Leader."

"I know but I can't help wondering"

"We should leave the worrying to Rei and keep it at that, ne?"

"Yes, yes!" She hooked arms with her sisters-in-arms and they walked, walked wherever someone pulled them, already knowing what was the last sentence written on the stones. 

_Can we really escape her? _She asked to no one but herself knowing the question was also dancing on the minds of her sisters.

---

What she is doing, I know is wrong but I won't try to stop her, if it is something she truly wants and needs. If it is her hearts desire, who am I to deny her of it? 

I look to her and she is busy, her own eyes shimmering with the wisdom I could have only found years ago in the eyes of the Queen and a princess that came to me in dreams, always looking so sad. Her eyes hold so much more than naivety now, there is also more, a passion that burns to rival that of the flames of Mars. She has truly changed into a woman, into the mature Queen that would eventually take the throne to the world and hold a child...and ask no more of senshi because she feels she does not need them.

So...she must eliminate them.

I can't stop you, you know that Usagi but if this is what you want then my love, I will only stand by your side.

"Usa-ko?"

"Hmm?"

"They're coming closer, aren't they?"

"Yes. It seems almost like they know."

"Why are they coming so close, then? Would your senshi take arms against you?"

"They wouldn't dare."

"Usa-ko...I hope that this is what you really want...even if it hurts those closes to you."

"Endymion, my prince, I don't act unreasonably."

-----

"My Princess," Minako bowed down lowly. The others stood behind her in formation, a strong stature that had could only belong to the powerful inner senshi. She had to smile; these were her senshi, after all and she was damn proud to show them off but eventually, like everything, all good things turned ugly and became unneeded and thus became an unspoken burden. So much that even a princess such as herself didn't need to waste energy on.

"Mina...why do you lead your senshi unarmed?" 

"We can't take up arms against our Princess...even if she has betrayed her own court."

"Betrayed? No. No, that is such a harsh word."

"No, Princess, I don't think so at all," Makoto spoke through clenched teeth, her thick solemn stature towering over the princess but it was only her shadow that reached to kiss the feet of the princess. 

"So bitter, Makoto...Wait, no, not bitter, just heartbroken, right?" Her blue eyes glanced at the girl who had taken a step back. Makoto's emerald eyes were downcast by the endearing statement. Even as different as she had became, Makoto had to give her credit for knowing the auras of her senshi so well. Aye, that was why she would always be princess and they...senshi. 

"You've grown, Usagi," Ami spoke up next, forgetting to fire up the topic at hand and twisting it. "And you seem content"

"In short, what is it that you want, Princess?" Rei finished, cutting Ami from stalling to come up with the right words. Her violet eyes hinted no impatience or patience, but seemed to be merely waiting. Usagi's lips curled into a frown and she turned her back on them. The senshi looked at their future queen...how her features had become even more delicate, more silver and attuned to the deceased queen that had given them what destiny they carried now. Rei didn't stop herself from smiling. Usagi would be queen. 

"The fire told you, huh, Rei? Like it always told you everything?" 

"No. You left for five years without a destination to tell us and all of a sudden you appear out of nowhere. If you don't consider that odd...then we are not senshi."

"You caught on," Usagi said as she faced them. They watched her eyes, careful to not question the gun within her hands. "No wonder you are the inner senshi," she said as she successfully loaded the gun. There was a click, echoing in the empty alley. "Don't worry," she said. "I've put up a barrier so the outside world has no idea of what is _going_ to happen."

"I see...I guess you are finally going to finish what you started when you left?" Mina raised an eyebrow in her princess' direction. Usagi lifted the gun and aimed it. She pulled the trigger and the shot ran out. The bullet pierced through the brick wall, chipping away its ashy barriers. 

"You guess? I guess so too, then." She aimed again and pulled the trigger, this time the bullet missed Mina's head by a single centimeter and passed through Makoto by an inch. "Damn...maybe I should have taken target practices? Either way...it ends today. I'm sorry if I break your hearts." She pointed the gun, this time directly in Mina's direction...only Mina made no motion to move. 

Senshi were immortal...but that didn't mean they couldn't die. They could live, live as long as they please and die, only die when they were killed. So their lifetime is an indefinite span but ends when it ends. 

---------------

Rei was the last one standing, witnessing all of her comrade's murder. She stood silently still and her features made her all the more dangerous. Usagi couldn't place the thought out of her head; that maybe Rei would subject her sentencing. After all, Rei was the most dangerous and lethal. Who knew what crawled under her skin? And when she was ticked...she was the act of evil. 

Usagi pointed the gun at Rei and pulled the trigger but no shots rang out. Her lips curled into a frown as she examined her gun. Her bullets had run out. She watched Rei gingerly as the girl kept her eyes locked on the ground, where there were droplets of blood. Quickly she reloaded her gun. In seconds, more shots ran out but the girl didn't fall from her standing point. Rei touched her wounds but there was no blood. Ami had said you would only bleed from where the bullet exited. That meant her back and explained the cold feeling of liquid running through her skin, crawling like insects. Rei finally collapsed to her feet, breathing hard. She was only suffering but not enough to die. Usagi pulled the trigger several more times until all her round of bullets ran out and she tossed the gun in anger. Rei had crawled up against the brick wall, clutching her chest as she struggled to breathe and to find a motion of equilibrium in her unsettled vision. 

"Why don't you make this easier on yourself and just let go, Rei? Just let go...you don't need to prove to anyone that you are strong." Usagi lowered her face to meet that of her second in command. Rei's lips curled into a smile and she dug her fingernail into her wound, digging through her own flesh and blood. She emerged, reaching for Usagi's face and caressed it with her bloody finger. The blood was smeared dirtily across her snow white face. Usagi coiled immediately, startled by her actions. Usagi didn't resist the urge to wipe away the ashy red of blood.

"Usagi...Ne...We forgive you...Mina couldn't say it but I will...duty...duty and duty all over again, is that our only meaning?" Her dark violet eyes clouded over with an unknown fog and she looked down, her thick lashes standing against her pale face. "I'm sorry Princess...but you know we forgive, because we owe you everything...please...don't come too soon...when you do..." 

----

Usagi watched the wind blow the long tresses of the fire maiden as if playing with it, mocking her to wake up. Her eyes turned their attention to the others. Mina...Venus, even when she was dead, was just as beautiful. She had fallen with one hand clasped over her heart and a sad, empty smile. Makoto...the giant Jupiter. Did she really seem that happy? Happy when she watched the bullet burrow through her organs? She did and she had fallen, smiling with tears streaming down her face. Ami was so quiet that she had almost forgotten the defensive ice senshi. Either way the ice maiden still fell, her eyes closed before she slumped to the ground. 

Usagi turned away from the sight. It was blood curling, reminding her of the massacres that took place on the moon in the past. Yet her heart had craved for this and as Venus couldn't have said, the senshi's downfall was their last servitude. Usagi had smile at that. Last servitude, was very unlikely. Did they not know? Either way...she was going to get what she wanted- what she needed and her senshi dying was a part of that; they were doing their queen what they had been born to do. 

She turned around again. First things first, she needed to get rid of the bodies and erase some identities from history then she would get what she had been seeking to do. 

_Gather the pens and you will be more than you will ever be with your naïve thesis. _

_You didn't know it but your mother hid something from you; from the very beginning of the Silver Millennium, the crystal was placed as the highest value and most powerful all because it drew more than half of it's powers from all nine planets. This enhanced the crystal and made it originally stronger than it was intended to be. However if you can direct all of the nine planets' powers from the pens, towards your crystal, my dear, you've will be more than invincible. _

_You won't have to die...ever or watch the one you love die because you couldn't protect them. _

_But at least you know why you had to watch everyone die before you could defeat me. Me, the true Queen of Earth. _

Beryl, the name ringing in her mind- 

"What the" She cut herself short of words as she rushed forward. "This! This can't be!" She searched restlessly the empty alley, but found no traces of any of the senshi. "They were dead! I felt it...They were dead! Where the hell can they be?" she screamed as she dug her nails into the alley, searching for the holes that had swallowed the bodies. She needed those pens...she needed their power! That was all this had been about! If they didn't die, there was no chance of her ever getting that strong. "This can't be! How can they cheat me like that? Damn!" She slammed her fists on the ground and burst into tears. 

A black cape wrapped itself around her shaking form, protecting her and then the alley was dark again with no signs of death...or destruction. It was just as empty as it had been but it held a secret. A secret that only two people knew.

"Endymion...they cheated me! They...they..." she sobbed as she was carried with love, a feeling she had always knew...a feeling she never thought would be foreign to the inners.

"Sshh..."

--- 

'God of Mercury...can you hear me?'

'God of Mars...how silent have we become?'

'God of Jupiter...how weak your warrior has become...'

'Great Goddess of Venus...must a goddess of love not know love...ever?'

"Just once...couldn't you give us a chance? A chance away from all of this? We're so tired, tired of protecting your names against the throne of Selenity. So tired of living..."

"Just once...just once I want to know...what it is like to...to have another smile"

"...know what it is like to chase after destiny"

"Know what life is really about"

"Know that everyone deserves happiness. Know that we don't have to protect someone else's happiness forever." 

_The end of the first statements_...

~---------------~

/A.N/ Again this is just revised and reformatted! Review please!


	3. ii castles made of sand

_____________________________________

Red over Lunar

Chapter ii…castles made of sand 

"And his tears fall and burn the garden green… 

And it really didn't have to stop, it just kept on going...

And so castles made of sand slips into the sea, eventually"  
__________________________________

disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…^^;; 

Notes:

I'm going over ROL and revising chapters to better suit myself. Format, structure and development are being changed.

-_italics_ and **bold** emphasizes, 

-_italics_ also are flashbacks/memories

-these ----- separate and show time frames

-'…' are thoughts

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They met each other when she was around four years old and they each were a different tone of personality and thoughts and most definitely a different beauty of innocence. She was golden, almost too good to be human, enough to measure against angels that were always thought of to be in existence. The other was her contrast. She had the opposites of the day that her stepsister shone. Her hair was ebony, darker than the darkest nights with hints on their lengths of other tones. Her eyes were not of the blue ice that shimmered in her sisters' but was a dark deep violet, seemingly always holding a secret. Her sister was the bright one, as she hung in the shadows, dangling between the threads of anti-socialism and trying to find an identity. She remembered her father telling her... 

"You killed your mum, now I have to find another one!" He laughed as if it was a joke. "And she'll have a nice girl. One's that useful."

She laughed when her stepsister did, just to see how it felt and walked behind her when she could to see how it was to be a follower instead of always leading her poor four-year-old mind. 

They called her Nieve, an Irish name for a Japanese girl. It was her mother's wish to name her that, a name from an Irish fairy tale, a name for a Princess. She was the dark haired shadowed Nieve. Her half-sister was Tsara. 

When she was 5 years old, her father decided to leave Japan. He took Tsara and his wife but left Nieve behind in Japan in an orphanage, promising he would come back for his dark haired child. Of course, she had nodded to him when they left for she knew he wouldn't come back and she knew there were other thoughts on his mind. He was going to take Tsara with him so he could search the world for the Children. Nieve would stay behind because she was no use to him...and a curse. However, she wasn't fully aware of his real intentions.

---------------

The tiny 8 years old girl ate her food silently, ignoring the gossip that rotated about behind her back. 

"Nieve is scary! She almost burnt Tommie the other day!"

"Ooh! What she do?"

"I dunno but Hira says fire came from her hands and body!"

The wide-eyed children turned around eyeing the head of Nieve. They stared at her for a while and turned away frightened. "She is scary! I heard she's a witch's kid!"

"No, she isn't! She a vampire's kid!"

"Miya, Miya...what's a vahm-pile?"

"Toya, a vampire has sharp teeth and they suck people's blood...naughty people like you!" Toya looked wide eyed and then burst into tears. 

"Miya! What did you do to Toya?"

"Nothing, Sagaguchi-san! I am sorry!"

Nieve finished her food quickly, tired of hearing nonsense from her peers. She stood up to go play outside when peas came flying her way, smashing into her lengthy silky ebony hair. She was mad and she had had enough of stupidity. She grabbed an unfinished bowl of food from one of the children and before anyone could stop her, the bowl went flying through the air, smashing into a boy with short brown hair. Furiously, he grabbed his friend's bowl, and threw it at Nieve. 

That had been how the food fight had started. Nieve ended up with canned fruits in her hair, gelatin dessert on her clothes and cake and fudge all over her face. She was the one everyone had aimed for. Being the fiery child that she was no one had escaped unharmed by her wrath either. All the children had ended up being grounded for three months. Nieve was going to be grounded, as well as doing everyone's chore for the next two weeks because she had started the food fight. 

"But Sagaguchi-san! I didn't! Hitoya threw peas at me first!"

"Nope. You should have told us rather than starting a fight."

"It's not fair!"

"Yes it is. You started the fight now you will end it."

"But it wasn't me!" she screamed. It was unheard of as she was slapped. She closed her eyes, trying not to cry. Sagaguchi kneeled down to her level and whispered gently. 

"Nieve-chan, you have better learn to control that temper of yours or you will end up on the streets someday. Everyone has seen enough of that fire of yours. Do you understand?"

"Yes." 

"Good. Go and do your chores now."

"Yes." She lowered her head and walked toward the kitchen. Anything, she thought. Anything to get through life for now.

The next week or so went on by quietly. She kept silently to herself, barely talking hoping that her lack of words would control her temper. It did. One day while sitting in front of her favorite tree, a cherry blossom she fell asleep and entered upon a weird dream. It wasn't as weird as it was intoxicating and exotic, draping its arms around her childish body and pulling her through a valley of pink petals. As the arm kept pulling her, she went through a metamorphosis; her face and body changing until it was that of a beautiful woman whose hair was longer than she could imagine and whose beauty shocked her. They had kept pulling her until they stopped and the scenery had become dark. In a single moment, light arose from the knee length grass. They were tiny droplets of light, flying in the wind. The hand let go of her arm and bent down to capture one. The hands held it up to her face and her face looked bewildered. She smiled and lifted the tender light into her own hands. 

_Fireflies, Princess. They're fireflies that exist only on earth. Even the Moon cannot replicate these intoxicating creatures.._

Her eyes snapped opened and she stared into a clear blue sky. Nieve reached a shaking hand to her face, touching its surface. It had not change. She stood up and walked over to a clear puddle where she sought her reflection. A child looked back at her darkly. Could that beautiful woman in her dream be her? 'She couldn't,' she rationalized, 'he called her Princess and I can't be a princess.' She was also too beautiful to be real or human and one day, Nieve promised herself she would meet this beautiful princess. Nieve held a hand to her eyes and started walking.

"Nieve!" She stopped in her track and turned around slowly. It was a boy and he was waving at her. He ran up to her and smiled. "Nieve, wanna go and catch bugs with me?" 

"Bugs?"

"Yep! Grasshoppers and race 'em! Then we'll go and get some other ones later tonight! So you wanna? You wanna? You can meet my little sister too!"

"O…k…" 

"Cool! You're the only one...everyone else is too busy or too scared of the bugs." His smile twitched into a frown but quickly turned back again. "Let's go then!" He grabbed her hand and the two started running. In the back of her mind, she was smiling.

---------

It was war and it was disease, an epidemic that was crawling through the towns, villages and cities. It ate everything and left some to the hands of poverty and despair. 

It was in the shadows and under the moon that a little girl walked. Close to her heart she cradled a bear, one eye missing, half of its furry body drenched in ashes and blood wounds.

"Mommy? Where are you? Mommy?" She walked barefoot as she dug through debris, searching and then coming up on nothing. Her sad green eyes never lost hope though and she continued, calling out for her mommy. She stopped a couple of feet from a pile. Her eyes wide opened as whatever it was struck her attention. The teddy bear from her arms fell to the ground, forgotten as it tumbled and got dirtier than before. She raced to the site, her eyes caught on the hand that reached through the pile. It was a slender wrist and around it hung a friendship bracelet. The bracelet she had made for her mommy. Excited and hopeful, she dug her way into the heart of the pile. Her skin came upon blood and nails that gave her sheer pain but she kept at it. 

Ten minutes later she sat back desperately looking at what she had uncovered. "Mommy?" she called out. She leaned forward, crawling to the dead woman. Her face was almost unrecognizable but to the child, it was all that it took. "Mommy? Can you get up so we can leave now?" She tugged at the dead woman's skirt. Still no movement. Frantic and growing tired; she let out a small yawn. She moved her form beside the dead woman and buried her head in his arms. "If you won't get up, I'll just nap with you"

'Cradle me mommy and sing me a song just like you always did. Bake me cookies and cakes to make me smile...cradle me and tell me stories of how I am a princess and one day a prince will come to take me off into the skies, happily ever after...'

Her emerald eyes began to slumber and drift...fading out the day's events that had broken her fragile childish heart. 

"Hey! Are you alive?" 

"Oww!" She scrunched her face up as she lifted her drowsy lids. "It's not nice to poke children, you know!" She gave him a frown and stretched. 

"Sorry kid...but you don't plan to stay with that corpse do you?"

"Corpse...?"

"Dead body," he said bluntly, nodding to her mom. 

"But...my mommy...she isn't dead..."

"Let me see?" She nodded as she stepped out of the way. The man made his and touched her mommy's wrist then her neck for a while. He stopped and looked to her and sighed. "Uh-uh, your mommy's dead."

"Dead...?" Her sweet emerald eyes grew misty and finally the tears came, rolling in crystal liquids. "Mommy?" she kneeled down and hugged the woman's legs. "You can't die. You're my mommy." She held on tighter as if her embrace would bring back the dead. "Get up so we can go" 'I once heard mommy say that once tears could bring back the dead...a prince who yearned for his princess did'

"She's dead...but I can give you something else."

"No! I just want my mommy and she's gonna get up! So you go away!"

"She's dead, child. She can't come back no matter how hard you cry...but I can help you get revenge on who did this. What do you think?" 

"I want my mommy." Her lips trembled.

"I'll train you to be a Gundam pilot."

"Pilot? For what?"

"To get revenge on the earth." He smiled and offered his hand for her to take. Gingerly she got up, looking back tenderly at her mother. Before they strolled off, she ran back and untied the bracelet circled on her mother's wrist. As they left, her eyes drawled on her mother's figure even as it faded into the darkness. "I want you to meet someone, child. His name is Trowa, you and he will train to be Gundam pilots." 

"Trowa."

"Yes. He will be your friend. By the way, what's your name?"

"Levina."

-------------

"How old are you Enid?"

"I am 7 years old, sir."

"Only 7? I am impressed child...you are not ordinary." His hands browsed through his white beard. 'She will make a great improvement to the team. Her thoughts are beyond that of the children of her age and...' "Can you show me your sculpture?" 

"Yes, sir." He reached for her small ivory hand and she walked him through her house and into the wide yard. His brows rose as he was immediately impressed again. His eyes darted from the giant sculpture to the little girl who stood motionlessly. He smiled and patted her head, a thicket of navy hair. 

"You have done more than I can imagined, child. Tell me, how did you do this?" She loosened her hold on his hand and walked slowly to the foot of the ice sculpture. She bent down and picked up a chisel, lifting it to his eyes. He nodded knowingly. "How would you like it, Enid, if I take you to outer space? You can study the stars and the planets and we will provide and train you. Not only that, you will get to work with some of the most experienced scientists."

"I like that."

"That's good. Would your parents let you?"

"They have to," she replied determined. The idea was already settled on her mind. They walked back into the house and waited for her father to come back. He knew her parents would have a hard time letting their only child go. The two were barely home and of the time they had, they hardly had enough to promote a social family. As he soon heard when her father came home, they felt that Enid didn't feel loved enough and that she seemed like a cold child, void of emotions. 

"She is determined to go. Your child already has her heart set." The man buried his face in his hands as he leaned against the comfort of the sofa. His wife sat next to him and placed a loving hold on his shoulder. He clasped her hand in his and held it tightly. 

"Tayou..." she murmured. "Enid is determined to go and if this is what she wants, we should give it to her. Don't you forget what you promised that child of yours. You told her if she wanted to catch the stars, you would let her." He smiled and looked up to her sharp blue eyes, the same ones that shone in his little girl.

"I know, dear. I know...but I just feel as parents we have failed in giving our daughter the loving caring family she must have."

"But that doesn't mean we give her false promises. Just let her go. She will come back when she needs us and we will always be here, waiting for her."

"You're right," he said as he let out a deep breath. He stood up and stared the man straight in the eye. "I will allow her to go...if you accept my conditions."

"Of course, Mr. Sakita." 

"Good."

------------

She smiled as she waved at her parents. Her mom had hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead a hundred times. "You better write me, honey," she had said as she finished buttoning her coat. 

"Of course, mom. I promise." Mrs. Sakita smiled. 

"I will miss you so much, my baby." The woman buried her face in little girl's hair and cried. Her only child and she was going to let her go...as if she was already 18 and leaving for the college life. Enid hugged her mother's trembling body and kissed her hair. 

"Nakuna," she said in perfect Japanese. Her mother lifted her head and smiled through tears.

"Nakuna, okaa-san." 

"My baby..."

Her father had lifted her into his arms and twirled her around as she giggled and laughed with glee. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and she kissed his cheek in return. "I love you, daddy." 

"I love you too, my little water sprite." His smile brightened. "You better write your mommy and I, all right?" She nodded. "That's a good girl. I am going to miss my little water sprite though."

"I will miss mommy and you but I promise to keep in contact."

"Good, good."

Enid sighed as she settled back into her seat. She loved outer space; she loved how the stars remained unmoving in the vast black skies and unseen during the day yet they shimmered forever. She loved the pictures of the planets she saw in books, the constellations laid out and the galaxies. Her eyes peered through the window again. The man beside her smiled. "I see you are enjoying the sights, Enid?"

"Yes, they are beautiful. Especially that star. It is dying," she said as a small frown came on her face. "Stars are formed from an infinite whirling cloud of gases and cosmic dust floating in space. Over millions of years, gravitational attractions pull the gas and dust particles closer to each other and the more they are nearer, the stronger their attraction. When atoms and molecules strike each other they release heat, and in the center of the cloud mass, nuclear reactions of hydrogen atoms fused into helium. This reaction contravenes the star's gravitational force and the star stops from shrinking. However, after a long period of time, the star uses up so much hydrogen fuel that it begins to shrink again. This sets off a complex motion chain of reaction causing the star to burn so fiercely that it puffs into a relatively huge cool red giant. After this stage, the dying star may either explode in a last burst of energy, a nova or shrink into a faint white dwarf. Inevitably it will grow cold and dark." 

His brows rose again. He never even looked into such studies until he was in his late twenties and this little girl, a 7 year old knew more than the average person. He smiled and leaned against his seat. "Well, Enid, you will fit in and you will be the best. I promise you that. You have more than the needed potential. You will be extravagant, a child extraordinaire."

"I don't yearn for fame," she said softly. "I just want to be able to study and help people."

"You are also a very caring, modest child."

-------------

Her mother called her Sara but her "new" father named her Tsara. It had been a notion to "japanize" her. She accepted it and was even more happy when she saw that with her new father, came a new younger sister. Immediately, she fell in love with her sister who was beautiful and exotic with her long ebony hair and dark violet eyes. 'She is beautiful.' Her sister was a small little girl and she followed her wherever she led. Tsara loved her loved her dearly and tried to protect her from everything she felt was the duty of an older sister. She wasn't prepared though for what her father proposed. 

"We're going to Europe, Tsara. Would you like that?"

"Really? Wow! Are we all going?" Her eyes glittered happily. She had always dreamed of Europe and especially of Italy, drifting on water tops as the gondolas in Venice glided. 

"Yes but Nieve won't be going with us. She wants to stay with her aunt so it will just be you, your mother and me."

"But...Nieve? Why does she want to stay with her aunt?"

"Tsara, don't ask Nieve. You know how she is, she won't tell you. She doesn't like traveling so we will leave her behind and we will come back for her."

"You promise?"

"Of course, darling." She raised her pinky and he sighed but he lowered his body and pinky-swore with her. "I promise!"

"Crosses don't work, daddy!" She giggled as she looked behind him. 

"I don't lie, Tsara."

- - -

She didn't even get to say good-bye to her sister. Nieve just disappeared the day before they left, her father saying Nieve wanted to go early so she wouldn't see them leave. Tsara accepted the excuse yet as they boarded the plane, her eyes kept searching for her dark haired sister. She never came and Tsara was disappointed...but above all, hurt. 'Nieve, would you ever miss me?' 

They wandered throughout Europe and her father did odd things but he never explained his reasons. After months, her mother became ill and before she knew it, her mother lay in a closed casket, being lowered into a London graveyard. 'Where you came from, mommy...are you going home again?' It had been a rainy day and she had written several letters, all addressed to "Nieve-chan". 'Mommy's dead, Nieve. Do you miss her? Do you miss daddy? Do you even miss me at all? It's only you, daddy and me now... Mommy said she loved you, Nieve and that she'll always keep a place in her soul for you, even if she didn't know you that well. Do you do the same for us too?'

She continued wondering with her father in Europe, visiting Germany to Italy to Austria and Bosnia. Tsara didn't know or understand why but it was in Greece that she was abandoned by her father. He had told her to wait in the station for him while he went on "some" business. He had tucked a letter into her coat and told her to hold it dearly but to not read it yet because the time would come. He said he trusted her. Tsara had nodded importantly, waved and waved until he disappeared out of her sight. All the while, he never waved back and he never smiled. It was that moment that she knew he wasn't coming back for her. She had run, screeching for the car to stop but it was no use. Her tired legs gave out and she huddled on the street side, crying as the rain poured on her silk hair.

'Nieve...how I wish we were still home in Japan, hiding in the closets as we played hide-and-seek with mom and dad... Are you in a better place than I am? You probably are...dad didn't abandon you in a foreign world... I don't understand though...I don't at all...but I still miss you. If only I knew that you could hear me...and that you are ok...I would be happy. I miss mom, if she was here she would cuddle me in her arms...I miss her so much. Maybe if our parents never married, I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be where you are.' 


	4. iii for my girl

_____________________________________

Red over Lunar

Chapter iii…for my girl

"I wish I'd seen you as a little girl   
Without your armor to fend off the world   
I would have kept you underneath my wing   
I would protect you from everything   
Make way for the lemon parade   
Make way _for my girl_"  
__________________________________

disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…^^;; 

Notes:

I'm going over ROL and revising chapters to better suit myself. Format, structure and development are being changed.

-_italics_ and **bold** emphasizes

-_italics_ are also flashbacks

-these ----- separate and show time frames

-'…' are thoughts

-Nieve centered! =)

-**swearing**!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her mind was spinning. She wanted to lose her grip on the controls and let the machine skyrocket her into death. She expected something more when she had done it but it wasn't what she had expected. Instead, it made her adrenaline rush decline until it was a thin flat line. Now…it seemed unimportant, like a big stupid mistake. A mistake someone ruthless like her would do. 

How was she going to face them after this? 

/Levina punched the wall for the 4th time. It angered her. Lies, all the lies that had made her endure and believe, had gave her that boost when she said no more. They were rushing at her now, raping her delicate mind.  

"Levina, have I not taught you anything? This long and you still haven't learned to control your temper. This is what I mean...you are not worthy pilot a Gundam. We cannot allow people who throw tantrums like a child to do such a thing. Piloting a Gundam is great responsibility…you…YOU…- You are just a mere girl." A girl. 

_'It almost seems like a waste…years…enduring…training…I…I…it's not even worth it…and all, ALL for you, all for mama.'_

_A girl. A girl. His image faded through the sliding doors as her eyes closed and water fell loosely down her face. Water…and tears…she decided she couldn't cry, not at this moment and harshly brushed the tears away. 'Let it melt into gumdrops.' Levina stood up with a dominating silhouette and walked toward the doors.  She would prove it to them even if. _

_"I am no mere girl." 'Just another girl.'_

_She stopped at her room. Inside, in the kitchen, she worked gently and quietly...'like mommy when mommy smiled with all those tears in her eyes.' It was cooking, but rather it seemed to be from her moments of watching her mother work in the kitchen, that would calm her raging heart, or wipe away her tears. In minutes cookies were baking in the oven and she was nowhere to be seen. Her steady strides through the dorm were heard and sounds shadowed the dark tones of the room. Levina emerged later when the timer went off, striking the still silence. Quickly she pulled out her tray of cookies and placed them in a bowl. She set a single white card beside them...'Trowa'. He would understand she smiled knowingly. _

_On her back was everything she needed. In her mind, she was ready to expel rebellion and rendezvous. _

_She walked through hallways, through guarded doors…all allowing her access. Her heart beat with every step, anxiety ate every part of her confidence and fear was nowhere to be seen. Another step…and she would hold power. _

_She placed her pack on the ground and pulled out her materials. Another set of codes and she would have access to the machine that lied within, sleeping and waiting._

_"Nataku. Here you are." 'Why Nataku?' _

_He will be mad, she thought. He will chase me to the edge of the universe. But I don't care, this is the only Gundam I have easy access to right now. I will take it and fly with it...I will prove to those assholes that I can take as much as any mere boy can../_

--------------

"Damn Nishi. Can ya drive any slower? Stoners want their shit. You know how those assholes are." She inhaled in another huff of her cigarette then let the smoke drawled from her mouth into the dark night air. Her window was open and raindrops whipped onto her face as their car raced through the dimly lit highway. Her companion smiled as he steered the wheel following the curve in the road.

He loved every angle of her nature. 

"Chill, firebrand. It's all good." He kept his Prussian blue eyes on the road. She snickered but said nothing more. A few minutes later and the rain poured. She smiled and lay back against the wet seat. He glanced at her quickly and couldn't refrain the smile on his pale lips. Rainy days were their best days. They were the only days she smiled and the only days, they both forgot the troubles they were surrounded by. Rainy days, they were theirs and theirs alone: two best friends tied down by a bond of childhood monsters. Nieve, she was his and he was hers. They were not lovers in the sense dreamt by teenage girls, they were lovers in the sense of falling deeply in love with a sad cruel world and escapee due only to a whimsical stir through fantasy. You are my beekeeper, she had told him once. And you are mine, he had told her in reply. Promise me, she had asked holding out her hand. He had taken it, holding it firmly and then it burnt, it burnt so bad he forgot pain and felt only sickness. It had been the smell, the smell of human flesh burning. She was melting the solid boundaries of his skin. His eyes had glanced at her cautiously. She didn't smile, just looked like her old dark empty self. I promise you too then, and if you ever betray me, I will burn the entire world like I am burning you right now. He had shivered. Such an intense, fiery person.

From then on, their oath under the moon, they had been together forever. First running off into the silent night together, escaping the hold of the orphanage and then into the streets, learning to deal and making it a piece of their life ever since. It had been from the orphanage, the punishment set on Nieve that had silenced her so much, had broken her tongue, making her a person of little words…but much anger and strength.  

'When I die, will you burn me with your flames?' he had asked often when they laid next to each other on a faltering rooftop, watching the stars climb onto the night sky. She had looked ahead of her, her eyes unable to stare into his side. 'Promise me, Nieve? You'll let me die in your flames.' She never answered him.

"Nieve, what are you thinking about?" He slowed the car down a bit as the lane curved then sped the car up again. Her eyes snapped open and she stared outside into the darkness. They were on a bridge highway, speeding well over 90 mph on a limited 55 mph lane. He closed her window after she threw out the remainder of her cigarette. The rain had been whipping her features. 

"I don't know, Nishi."

"Anymore premonitions?" He held his breath. He remembered all her premonitions and had taken every single one of them seriously. She was a special girl, he had figured as he drew a straight line closer and closer into her heart. She was odd and special and unique, totally different from everyone else he had met. He loved her so much because of this. She had a special magic that drew him in and embraced him and he in turned held a shield for her, trying to protect her, loving her and giving her everything an almost-brother would. 

"I suppose."

"What was it of?"

"It was empty," she recalled calmly after a muting drive. "Then the blood came in raindrops, falling and emptying onto the floors. I couldn't see anything else but blood…and then She came. Again. She looked even more…beautiful." 

"Nieve...what do you think it means?"

She said nothing and watched the road ahead. 'I don't know.' 

They had been driving in silence, riding through the long bride when it came out of nowhere.

"SHIT!" Nishi screamed as a force crashed into them. Nieve and Nishi slammed forward, following the inertia of the car. The car was running out of his control, skidding forward then right, into the side of the highway. Nishi tried desperately for the brakes and managed to twist the steering wheel out of the side back onto the road.

"Nishi, what the hell is it?!" Nieve tried twisting her neck around to glance behind but all she saw was darkness…and sparks. She tried to climb out of her seat into the passenger seats when Nishi stopped her.

"Nieve, put on your seatbelt now!" He screamed, trying to put on his seatbelt and controlling the car. He didn't want to die now and he did not want to take any risks. The car was beginning and moving steadily again now, the speedometer moving up to 60 mph. His foot was still on the gas when that same force came again and lurched him forward. His foot slammed on the gas and the speedometer climbed to 85 mph. He removed his foot quickly to the brake when the force came again.

"Fuck, fuck!" Nishi screamed as the car skidded forward again and then whatever it was, slammed into them again. Sparks were flying behind and around them. This force lurched the car out of control and it slammed side-on into the walls of the highway. The impact slung Nieve's head like that of a rag-doll into her window, smashing it but not breaking it. Immediately, she fell unconscious, a stream of blood flowing from the side of her head.

"NIEVE!" he cried as he glanced at her quickly. He winced inwardly as he saw her window. No wonder she was knocked out. He tried to lean over to shake her awake but his action became short lived. 

Quickly, he averted his attention to his windshield, twisting his steering wheel so he could move back into the road. He wasn't even able to back up before the force slammed into his car from behind.

"SHIT!" The car was spinning head on into the cement wall again…only this time, there was no cement wall but short rimmed fences. The bridge highway was just curving down, into the ground level streets... Then as if the car was being lift up, it flew over the fence and into the abandoned streets below. 

**BANG**.  

The fall, the flight, it was not that high but nevertheless, the sound and sight would not have been for the weak-hearted. 

It happened quickly. Probably less than 20 seconds…then the car landed upside down. Smoke rose from it, gas dripped from the car's side. 

Nishi could hardly stay awake and breathe. It felt like all of his organs were shoved up, trying to edge out of his body. Everything was rushing up, closing his windpipes, and suffocating him. He succumbed and blacked out. 'Nieve…'

The impact jerked Nieve out of the strange dream that seemed to be urging her to wake up.

It was the woman…the same woman she often saw of when she was a child: the beautiful woman with long ebony hair and sad violet eyes. She had held out her hand for Nieve, smiling softly. Fireflies were dancing in her palms, their light almost waiting to lead her. "Come on, Nieve…you have to wake up. We still have so much growing to do. Wake up, Nieve…wake up…" The woman had chanted and chanted until she faded off, but her voice remained.

'I…' Nieve raised her head, groaning as the pain struck her from her head through her neck and onto every part of her body. She tried lifting her hand but it ached so awfully, she was unable to crack a finger. She opened her eyes and winced as the pain hit her like a sword slicing through her flesh. She lifted her head to see her surroundings for she had no idea where she was and she was disorientated. It was a mistake but she ignored the pain. It seemed she was shackled, hanging upside down, her arms and legs beaten and cut brutally. Awkwardly, she unbuckled her seatbelt and slipped through her shattered window, after figuring out that the door was jammed in. She fell out onto the pavement. She began crawling…crawling, trying to remember. 

She had crawled to the back of the car when she smell something thick and awful and saw liquids dripping. It wasn't the rain. It was dark. Gas leak. Then it hit her. Accident.

**NISHI.**

"NISHI!" she screamed as her mind raced. Speaking…moving, it was heavily thick with pain. She had to get him out; she had to save him no matter what. The car could explode at any time; quickly she gripped the car for support and ran as fast as she could to the other side. Her mind raced…'NishiNishiNishiNishiNishiNISHINISHINISHINISHI.

**Nishipleasebealivepleasebealivepleasebealive. Ohpleaseohpleasebealive...'**

She reached the other side and screamed in anger and tears. She could make out his figure, slumped in white outlines. His window was partly broken. She gripped the door handle and tried to open it and no matter what she did, she couldn't pull it open. She tried and tried and it wouldn't budge.

She reached through the broken window and touched his face. Her touch woke him up, almost like the magical touches of a fairy tale prince to his princess. Nishi's eyes glanced at her face sadly but a smile played on his bloody and bruised lips. "Nieve..." 

'My girl...' His arm shakily reached for her face as she leaned in and gingerly his thumb wiped away her unknowing tears, smearing his blood on her stained face. "Hey firebrand…" His eyes twinkled as if they were laughing themselves. He coughed and his eyes closed slowly. His eyes ached; they were tired of the black skyline. They were so tired. Never had he ever been so tired, too tired to keep his eyes open, too tired to breathe…

She broke the remaining pieces of the window and reached inside. She unbuckled his seatbelt then wrapped her arms under his armpits, breathing onto his neck and tried pulling him. It ached, it killed and it hurt. 

"Nishi, please hold on. I'll get you out of this. Please open your eyes and stay awake ok?" Never had she cried in front of him and now she was crying openly. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose her only friend. He groaned.

"Nieve…damnit, let me go. The car might explode," he said softly, barely even seeing her face.

"No! NO! I won't let this happen, this can't happen!" 

She tried again. He, sensing something used the last ounce of his strength and pushed her back. As soon as her back touched the wet pavement under the raining sky, the car exploded into flames.

"NISHI! NISHI! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO………noooo….nooooooo…..NOOO…!" She screamed in terror and tears, her hands straining herself, tugging and pulling the strands that had came loose. "NISHI! NISHI!"

--------------

Nieve sprawled her figure out, her arms wide open, almost as if losing its grip on fallen stars. Her tears had long stopped and it was not midnight. No one had came, no police cars, no cars of any kind. She didn't care. This was poverty…this was destruction; people didn't care for people like her. She wanted this silence. 

'Nishi you bastard. You fucken, fucken bastard. I will never forgive you! How can you be so cruel…? Why? Why? WHY?! I don't deserve to live, you do! You do! You have so much to live for…I don't…I've nothing at all.. What will I tell your little sister? That her brother was killed because of some shit that happened while we were delivering drugs? Haha…she will never forgive me. Fuck it! FUCK YOU NISHI! Damnit…i…this…this…is cold. So cold…Nishi…Nishi…Nishi…you always said, if we die, then let us both die because you will never leave me behind and I will never leave you behind. What now…? You lie…just like every other fucker in this world…such a liar…You just had to go and be the knight, didn't you? Save…your Princess Mars from despair…and die in the process…'

"Nishi," she whispered, rain running down her face as the tears that wouldn't drop anymore. She couldn't lift her head, her eyes to meet that of the dead flames of the car, the black rust and soot and ashes that were rained down. "Nishi…did you not ever think of yourself?" 

---------------

Her eyelids swallowed her vision up and tears really did fall this time. In her head, she could almost hear him humming soothingly… 'Make way for the lemon parade, make way for my girl... Nieve, this is your song...' Her fist pounded into the streets harder, splashing the dirty water. 

She remembered him, every part of him, from meeting him to catching crickets and fireflies to running off into the night. She remembered storming with him into a museum to see an art gallery. She remembered as they weaved themselves in and out of the many elegant people. The pictures, she remembered clearly, were beautiful and exotic. There were many, of Princesses and Kings of legends. There was the sad Princess of Venus in the arms of a silver haired King. There was the beautiful Princess of Mercury and Princess of Jupiter. Then there was the last Princess. She was the Princess of Mars. When Nishikada saw it he had smiled, exclaiming how Nieve looked so much like her. 'You'll be my Princess of Mars from now on,' he had said smiling. 'And I'll be your knight and King of the East.' Who is the King of the East? She had asked. He smiled. Behind the Princess of Mars, stood a man with a gentle face and blonde hair…and Prussian eyes. 'He is the King of the East, Jadeite.' How do you know so much about this, eh? She had asked. He laughed seriously. 'My mother…before she died used to tell me tales of the Moon Princess and her court. She told me of the sad lives of the Inner Court and the tragic ending the Moon Kingdom faced. My mom said I looked and acted so much like the character of the King of the East that she nicknamed me Jadeite. Funny…isn't it? She told me that one day maybe I'll find my Princess.' He had turned to her and smiled. 'You are my Princess, Nieve. You are that Princess.' Don't you think you are dreaming too much? I could never be that Princess…

'No, Nieve, you **are my Princess, Nieve.'**

------

The rain continued and poured into dark shadows in the night. 

Nieve had lain, bathed in the rain's raindrops until she was soaked through and through. Her hair was matted across her pale cheeks and lips. Her nails were torn and bleeding and so were her hands. 

She sat up and stared into the sky for 30 minutes, staring into the brilliance of stars shimmering off and on in the far distance. The Colonies are out there, she thought randomly, twinkling like stars in this night sky. She breathed. She could see her exhaled breath. 

'If Nishi was here he would through me on his back and take me home…he would build a fire and we would sit in front of it…'

'Nishi…'

As if caught in a trance, Nieve staggered up, and limped over to the junk that was the remnant of their car. Her eyes were locked on the hand that hung outside of the window. She felt her heart throbbing…aching. Her eyes were itching, almost eager to cry and let everything out. 

'You need to cry more, firebrand…you are human after all and you deserve everything.'

She stopped in front of the hand and picked it up, dragging it's scarred and burnt hand to her cheek. She caressed the hand gently, smiling…smiling like she had never before. And slowly, her tears learned to come back, falling gently onto the black skin, rinsing it away. Slowly they came then they fell more and more. Her eyes could see it now, the mark she had given him. 

She unraveled his hand after tracing lifelines across the front. Clasped within his fingers was the key on the chain. She took it from him and tucked it inside her pants. 

Nieve sat by the side of the car, weaving her fingers into his stiff ones, holding them tightly, afraid to let go. She looked off into the distance and could hear the ocean roaming with thunderous hatred. She could sounds of crickets and then she saw fireflies, dancing palely among the dead grass. She stared in a mute nature, her figure almost frozen in place and if she could have, she would have chosen to stay like she was now…forever…'eien ne'. 

She finally crawled into the wet "car" and unlocked Nishi from the car's grip. She gently pulled him out and put him on her back. She carried his weightless body as she walked. Just like he always did to her. Let me be your knight for once, Nishi…she thought as she walked in rhythm to the fallen raindrops. Let me feel like a savior for just one night. Nishi's burnt head bent down over her shoulder. Almost like he was burying all of his sorrow and happiness into her so they could both share the pain. She smiled.

"Just a little while more, Nishi…just a little while more then I'll return to what I was before."

She trudged down the long empty road with him. 'We look almost like children…so innocent and not a care about what war the world was waging…sometimes I wish I could return…maybe you'll be there.'

"You look so peaceful, almost as if you are satisfy with what has happened. It's like everything has been lifted off your shoulders and you couldn't care less about the world. Did you forget me, Nishi? Your Nieve?" She talked and murmured the whole way. This circled one-way conversation would keep her company.

-----

I buried him this morning...in the dawn. I dug a hole under our tree and tossed him in. I was too afraid to burn him...he's too beautiful to melt into ashes...I couldn't do it Nishi...I just couldn't. I was shoveling, digging up your grave then I fell into your grave...and I lay there, letting the rain beat down on me, letting the rain melt the dirt onto me. I tried to get out and I dragged your body down with me. I curled next to you and that was all I could. Hug you knowing I would never see you again...I remember you so much I can't let you go. I held onto your waist and laid my head on your chest... You're still alive, my Nishikada...still alive, it was just the world who was cheating me...I laid with you until I gave up and the dirt was covering both you and me. I didn't care, bury me alive. 

I wanted to die, six feet underneath the earth. It had always occurred to me how much I was afraid of living. I never thought I would welcome death as openly as that. I should have died…it was always living that I was afraid of.

Somehow though, I couldn't give in to the urge yet. Not yet, Nishikada. I feel like you're still here or at least somewhere, watching me. I can feel your gaze. It was your gaze that had always intrigued me and scared me. I've never seen anything so compassionate…and yet sad. It sometimes seemed like you were carrying the whole weight of the world yet you always smiled. You remind me of someone…someone with golden hair… 

I climbed back out, bathing in the dirt. It was so fresh, it almost seemed like I was a little kid again…and you were still alive.

I hate them. I hate them so much. Those fucking assholes that did this to us, to you. I hate them, IHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEMIHATETHEM!

I will kill them. I swear it Nishi, I will kill those assholes and dismember their corpses. I'll fuckin kill them. I will make them pay. I am going to burn them, burn them until their skin melts…I'll make them suffer. I swear it Nishi. I know you can hear me, read me. 

If I can't find them, I will burn the entire world instead. 

I will devour this world in flames for taking you. 

-----------

She was caught sitting on the ledge of the bridge, her feet sticking out and her eyes staring off into the deep depths. In another time, if she remembered, someone would have told her to look closer and she would see more than her reflection. Nieve was wearing a long raggedy black trench coat, fragrant with Nishi's scent. It was all that she had of him that was solid in their rundown apartment. And she would cherish it as if her life depended on it. In her hands was the key. She ran her hand up and down the key, touching it unknowingly then moving onto the necklace around her neck. 

Nieve didn't even turn around when she heard a stampede. She knew who they were and expected them but she didn't expect the news they carried. The first man was tall and had sleek black hair. He looked dangerous like a killer with pale blue eyes. "Nieve, we found out that a Gundam is on earth right now." His voice was husky and low. 

"Gundam." She spoke the word like she was questioning it yet thoroughly examining it. 

"Yeh. Apparently, the pilot lost control. From what I've heard, it was bound for the states, for the Red Federation Base."

"If its here, where is it now?"

"We think it's at the bottom of the ocean...the pilot however is at the beach at this very moment."

"We saw her swimming from the ocean. She is quite tall…and odd." 

Nieve raised her eyebrow slightly at the other man's comment. He shrugged uncomfortably. "How so?" 

"A she. It's a 'her'. She's piloting a Gundam. From what I heard, only men can pilot Gundams."

She sprang from her spot, grabbed his collar and threw him against the railing. The man was shaking and sweating. He was afraid of Nieve. Everyone was, except for Nishikada. "I wouldn't talk such shit." She released him and turned her back to the group of man. She was a woman and never would she let a man insult her. 

It was true she controlled them. They were too afraid of her to resist but she had never taken advantage them. She only wanted to instate fear, instate the cruelty of the world to them. They were Nishikada and her own group, a spy of sorts if there were to be labels. 

She didn't even snicker like she usually did and took off running. The man rubbed his forehead as he watched her go. He was glad she was leaving. He hated her. He hated working for her. He wanted someone to kill her. He wouldn't have minded if he, himself, did it. 

"Did you hear? Nishikada's dead," one spoke hazardously watching her back fade. 

"Really? Hmm…I wonder what that bitch is gonna do."

-------

She was going to die.  

She climbed over the fence and jumped down. On the sand below, Nieve could see the 'pilot'. So, that is the pilot. Fuck that, girl or not, the pilot was still going to straight into death's arms, after she suffered first. She jumped down from the fence and ran as fast as she could down the hill. 

Levina tensed as she felt an aura coming her away. She had been resting, trying to catch her breath. Immediately, she turned around and stood up, face to face with a dark haired girl. The girl looked petite, with a small frame and figure but her clothes were baggy and raggedy. Levina guessed she probably wasn't more than 5 feet 6 inches yet one look into her eyes and Levina could feel a wave of power that even she was slightly afraid of. Something about those violet eyes... "Can I help you?" Levina asked, breaking the silence with her own cracking voice. The girl looked Levina over and over again. Seizing me up? She thought dryly. 

"Are you the pilot of the Gundam?" Gundam? Why was she questioning her? Levina stiffened and folded her arms in front of her. 

"Why do you ask?"

"You deserve to die." The girl lunged a punch at Levina, right into her jaw line. She was thrown back a couple of feet, breathing hard as she swiped the small droplet of blood from her lips. Such a small girl...but her strength were immensely non-human and surpassed her small stature. She spat out some saliva and stood up taller, holding up a dominating figure. She sent a kick at Levina who managed to block before it set another impact on her towering figure. Levina had to admit although she seemed two times as big as the girl, the girl was using Levina's size against her, proficiently. 

Levina aimed for her stomach but she blocked with her arms, getting pushed back several meters. 

"You aren't that bad," Levina admitted loudly but the girl was pissing her off. Without explanation she had attacked her, telling her she deserved to die. In any other case she would have dropped the matter and fled but the girl was persistent in provoking her and trying to kill her. 

"You aren't that strong either." She sent a punch right into Levina who blocked and gave a good kick, throwing her off balance into the sand. She got up in time, as Levina was quick to attack again. 

"What the hell is it that you want? I don't want to kill you without knowing what it is you are after. You would have died in vain-" Levina jumped back, missing a kick. 

"You deserve to die!" She came right into Levina's path and attacked her, throwing kicks and punches that Levina countered easily and uneasily. 

30 minutes later...

Levina was trying to drown the girl, holding her head into the angry waters. The girl was struggling, her legs dangling in the ocean liquid and arms grabbing Levina's feet, trying to pull her under. Finally the girl regained her balance in the water and pulled her head up, away from Levina's grip. She punched Levina angrily and then grabbed Levina's auburn ponytail and dunk her in the water. 

Payback was sweet. 

Levina struggled and escaped her hold, pulling her under water and trying to strangle her pale neck. She kicked Levina and tried the same ordeal. 

30 minutes later...

No one seemed willing to give up her part of the fight. Levina just had more spunk and fighting power and the other girl...she seemed to increase in strength as the fight increased...as there was more blood from the two. 

Levina stood across from her, 10 feet away. The other girl was standing tall in her wet black trench coat and torn jeans. A smirk came across the girl's face as she held both hands out. Levina prepared for a defending stance, to counter. She had less than a second to think before something came flying at her.

It was on fire. 

She ducked as it missed her by a centimeter. The aim was startling accurate. Levina looked up in time to see another one flying her way. She jumped out of the way. She looked closer and realized it was an arrow...a burning arrow. She looked directly to her opponent and felt the temperature in her body rising. The girl was holding a flaming bow and arrow. 'It doesn't burn, does it? How does it feel like then?'

Nieve released her hold and the arrow came at Levina again. Levina angrily jumped out of the way just right into another arrow. This girl...she really wasn't ordinary. Her fiery display of her "power" proved so.

Well, she could play too. 

Levina held both hands in front of her and a disc appeared, sparkling with lightning. She threw it like a Frisbee. Nieve's eyes were wide, as it didn't register in her mind to duck. The thing flew right into her, hitting her left shoulder. She was knocked down to the ground, her bow and arrow disappearing as she gripped her left shoulder. Blood was already dripping down the longitude of her skin. 

"Shit," Nieve cursed loudly as she got up. She did not expect such an attack. It meant a challenge…something she felt the world lacked. Her bow and arrow appeared again and the two started fighting again, this time using their odd powers. 

Fire vs. lightning. 

1 hour later...

They were still at it both bleeding, breathing hard and cold. Levina was on the ground and so was Nieve, kneeling across from each other, holding her bow and arrow in place, ready to strike at the given time. 

"Tell me why you are after me. People just don't kill other people for no reason!" Levina spat out another mouthful of blood. Her lips were bruised but her hands were together, ready to throw another "disc" at the girl.

"You. You piloted the Gundam."

"Yeah? What about it? I don't deny it."

"You killed Nishikada." Her arrow was released right into Levina. Levina was too slow and it scorched her skin as it pierced through her right arm. 

"BITCH!" she howled. Acting rashly, she threw her lightning disc at Nieve, who barely had enough time to duck then sprang onto her, surprising her. Such closure gave her an advantage. She tossed Nieve onto the ground and grabbed her neck, tightly grasping it. Up close, Nieve seemed like nothing more than a rag doll. Nieve coughed for air as she tried to pry Levina's hands away. "What the hell are you talking about? How did I kill him?" 

"Bitch," Nieve managed to spat. Levina's grip became tighter. Nieve kneed her hard in the stomache and she let go. As soon as she did, Nieve jumped on top of her and grabbed her throat. "You killed Nishikada, you bitch. I'll make you pay. I'll kill you!" Levina struggled endlessly as she tried to register the meaning of those words. Levina slammed her forehead into Nieve's then punched Nieve's stomach, knocking the wind out of her. 

Nieve laid in the sand, breathing hard, her eyes closed. Nishikada was in front of her, smiling with his Prussian eyes. She opened them and stared into emerald eyes. "I don't know what the fuck you were talking about but I was sent by the Colonies. I didn't mean to kill your friend but if you want revenge, destroy the Colonies." She loosened her grip on Nieve's torn shirt, tossing Nieve back onto the ground like a rag. She turned around and started walking off.

"Yamate." 'Stop…'

Levina stopped in her tracks, turning around. Had the girl not had enough? Nieve staggered up, limping as she walked towards Levina. 

"The Colonies? You are not lying are you?"

"No."

"Good. You will take me to them, then." Levina's widen a bit. This girl…she wasn't serious was she? 

"I…you do know who you are going to be up against, right?" Levina rubbed her temples. If this girl seemed crazy, she was beyond that now. How exactly did she plan on throwing a tantrum at the colonies? 

"Of course. All I ask is that you lead me to them…in any way possible and I'll keep your cover for you. Or else I will make sure you're dead." Levina's face scrunched into a frown. "You **_are_ on the run, aren't you. What will they do when they find you, huh?" Levina glared at the girl. "You **_are _**from the Colonies and ****_are_ running from them, even if they sent you. It's kind of odd…yet I'm willing to fall into your..'truth'."**

Levina growled. The girl was mocking her however she did not know anyone else on Earth so this would have to do while she was also low on funds.

"Fine. I'll help you but you must agree to my terms."

"Agreed."

"I haven't even stated them!" Levina roared. Nieve grabbed Levina's hand and clasped it tightly. In moments, Levina let out a shrill scream, pushing the smaller girl back as she looked at her hand. The very smell seemed to rot her whole core. Her skin seemed to be melting and was bright red. It hurt. Burnt. The girl had burnt her flesh. Levina slapped her across the face. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"That's our agreement." The girl turned around. "You better keep your words or next time, it'll be your whole body burning. That burnt marks our pact." She started walking. "Are you coming or not?" 

Levina was still a bit shock but she ran up to catch up with the girl. "What's your name?" Levina asked. "I'd at least like to find out who my "boss" is gonna be."

"Nieve." 

"Nieve?" 

"Something wrong with that?" 

"No. Nothing. By the way my name is Levina."

She snickered. "I didn't ask you for your name yet." Levina growled in anger. It seemed trying to get along with this girl would be hard. This 'Nieve' did not seem the type to talk much either and when she did talk, she had a temper and a fowl mouth. Levina decided to forget it so she smiled. Something she learned from Piloting School. 

"No you didn't but since you seem to have a problem, I figured what the hell." 

Nieve glared at her.

"What can you do?"

"I can do anything."

"Cook?"

"Cook? Of course. You're looking at the #1 cook in the Universe."

"Aren't you being a little bit cocky?" Nieve asked slyly. 

"Considering your attitude? Nah, I don't think so at all."

"Good." Nieve hid a smile but inside she couldn't help smile a bit. She had to admit, she was quite sick of her cooking since Nishi…died. 

"Eh?" Was that a smile? Levina thought as she ran up to walk next to Nieve. 

Nieve…what a strange name for a little Japanese girl…

-------------

"A woman? You sent down a woman to investigate the disappearance? How screwed up is that? First a woman escapes with my Gundam then another woman is sent to investigate? I don't think it would be wrong of me to think that they might be conspiring together."

"Hah, WuFei, you are so paranoid. Now all woman are uniting to join against you?" The Chinese man glared at the 'stupid' soldier. 

"Fuck off. I'm not waiting here for some woman to find my Gundam." He turned around and started walking, calmly, against all of his rage towards the doors. He would find the Gundam. It was that Gundam that had caused him to lose everything important in his life and if it was the only thing he could have, solidly, then he was not willing to lose it. If everything that had happened had been for it then everything now was worth sacrificing. 

"WUFEI! Hold it. You are not going anywhere. Lately, the tensions between the Earth and Colonies have been really intense and your entrance will only make them more suspicious. We can't blow our covers yet." The man behind the desk was picking his teeth with a toothpick and he looked pissed. "I am **ordering** you." 

"I can't do that. I'm going either way." He continued walking. 

"WUFEI! Do you wish to relinquish your right to pilot the Gundam Shenglong? I demand you get your ass back here!" He stood up and slammed his humongous fists into the desk, the impact shaking several things sitting on his desk and his framed pictures on the walls. 

"Sorry but I can't do that. Even if you strip me of my piloting rights, there's no one else who can pilot that Gundam." The doors slipped closed. The commander pounded his hands into the table in anger again. 

"That asshole!" 

"You want me to stop him, sir?" The commander glared at the soldier.

"You can't do jack, if that stubborn idiot wants to go…he can go but if he dies, I don't give a shit. How is Tsara doing?"

"She's to reach Japan tomorrow morning, sir."

"Good. I hope she understands this is no reunion. This is an important mission."

"I'm sure she does, sir. She is our best leading Officer."

"Good. Now get your ass out of here."

"Yes, sir!"

------------

"I'll see her again…tomorrow…heh. It's funny." The blonde-haired girl drew pictures on the window with her index finger. She breathed onto the window again, her gaze following the stars as they danced from far away, tempting her to catch them. 

D would love it, she thought, she would. 

'I wish you were here, sitting by my side and blabbering on the constellations and the galaxies…even that would do more than enough to fill the empty silence but as usual, you're caught up in your work…Too busy for life, D.' 

'Hey, Tsa…I hope this is something more than just a mission,' she offered a smile. 'It'll do you a lot of good.' She hugged her then leaned and whispered into her ear softly. 'I hope you find the answers you're searching for too.'

She sighed as she reached into her coat pocket pulling out a crumpled letter smeared with ink and dirt and blood. 

Come if you like. I really don't care.'

She snickered, feeling pained. That was all that she had said with a scribble of an address. She contradicted the information given but…well, she would. She would go even if Nieve didn't care. It had been too long. They are both almost adults now, missing most of their childhood and she would be damned if she missed anymore of her stepsister's life. She would show Nieve she loved her. 

But really, all that was thumping in Tsara's heart was the desperation to know and find; she wanted to know if Nieve missed her…or even loved her. 

'Did you ever wonder about me all these years? Did you ever miss me? Did you Nieve? Did you miss me when I didn't come back? I'm sure Father came back to you, though. He just left me behind after mom died. You were his real kid after all…'

"Nieve…what am I going to do?"

Tsara closed her eyes and leaned against her seat. She wanted to give in to the sleep and forget everything but even that didn't come easy. Not without all the nightmares, longing for her. Trying to swallow and kiss her. They were the men in white jackets. 

~-----------~

/a.n/ all right…I'm really sorry for all the swearing if anyone was offended at all. The reason for all the swearing on Nieve's part is because I'm trying to show her personality and where she's from. I'm trying to make it as realistic as I can. If I screw up on anything gimme a holla! Also…I have this fascination with the whole Generals/Senshi thing and I decided that if the senshi can't really even have them at all…then I'll let them at least be friends so they can be a little bit happier. I tried to make this chapter as emotional as I can and if I did not succeed…gah…I suck! :P oh yeah, this chapter was also a lot about "Nieve/Nishi" but really, this story is about all of the senshi so have faith in me…I'm gonna unravel it as best as I can. 

 I'm also SORRY for the LONG LONG delay in this story! I kind of lost my touch with it after my computer died on me and I did not get it back until a while ago. But anyways, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to ALL WHO REVIEWED! I reread those reviews again and it gave me confidence and inspiration to FINISH this so…give yourselves a pat in the back! =) you all deserve it for inspiring such a bad authoress like me! 

Also thank you's to these fine people: Crystal Dragon, island_gurl, Princess Jupiter, Girl-chama, anna, allegra, Marsgoddess, Priscilla, IsleofSolitude, marzy001, The 80lb Carrot, makoto, Sandra, key, star25801, Kasumi, JupLuna, Kaze, and Cade! And also to everyone else I forgot to mention! I've bad memory so if I forgot anybody…3x thank you's! =) 


	5. iv drops of Jupiter

_____________________________________

Red over Lunar

Chapter iv…drops of Jupiter

"did you fall for a shooting star, one without a permanent scar? 

And there, did you miss me when you were looking for yourself out there…

with drops of Jupiter in her hair…"  
__________________________________

disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…^^;; 

Notes:

I'm going over ROL and revising chapters to better suit myself. Format, structure and development are being changed.

-_italics_ and **bold** emphasizes

-_italics_ are also flashbacks

-these ----- separate and show time frames

-'…' are thoughts

-Levina centered! =)

-**GORE/swear words**

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Nieve," she turned the name over and over in her mouth, letting it slide through with the roll of her tongue. She stood in front of a car, holding a key, stiffed with anxiety. The young man looked at her oddly. He coughed when she still made no move. 

"Ah-hem, Miss…are you going to take the car or not?" His voice broke through her reverie.

"Oh? Sorry…yeah, I'll take it. Thank you." She shook his hand and opened the door, a bit gingerly, and placed her small body inside. Still he gave her an odd look.

"Thank you for your business."

"Your welcome." She stuck the key in the ignition and turned it on. The engine roared into life. Her foot stepped on the gas and she sped off. It wasn't long until the wind began to whip her long hair. She placed a pair of sunglasses on, her eyes set on the road and horizon that was slowly coming into view with the sunset. 

It would take her 8 hours to get to where the Gundam had been reported to be and where Nieve resided. Her foot stepped on the gas again. 100 mph. She didn't care. She was the only car on the road. 

"Nieve. What am I going to do when I finally see you?" Her mind raced with preoccupation. 

Suddenly, on reflexes, her foot switched to the brake pedal and the car lurched forward to a stop. Her body followed the inertia of the car until she remained motionless, tracing her thoughts. She was quiet for a long time, her eyes tuning into the sounds of the empty road she was sitting on. Her sunglasses fell off and she made no move to put them back on. Her eyes looked ahead, off to a distance she could not reach. She looked weary and tired and old. Old as in seeing too much of the troubled worlds. 

She stared. And she stared for so long. So long until her vision became blurred and she was blind. Then it hit her. She was afraid. Afraid of Nieve…but no, not Nieve. The person her step-sister had become. The letter had been a disappointment. Nieve didn't seem the same…even _she_ didn't seem the same. Tsara's heart was slowly breaking as she sat, listening to the false voice of silence. She was afraid of seeing Nieve, of knowing Nieve and understanding Nieve now. Disappointment. 

**Disappointed**. 

'I wouldn't know what to say…' she chided herself. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel, blood red knuckles. 'What _would_ I say? It's me, Tsara…remember me? I was your step-sister for a while but your father ditched me? Hah-'

She banged her head on the steering wheel and let her tears finally fall. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry, especially if Nieve didn't care but here she was, still just like a child. She wept for hours before she finally picked up her head and held it high. She placed her foot back to the gas pedal and stepped on it…hard and long. The speedometer climbed up again. 

"I've got nothing to lose, I've got nothing to lose, I've got nothing to lose…" she cajoled herself. 

The red convertible roared through the road. 

------------------------------------------------------

"So…what kind of business…do you run _exactly_?" Levina questioned. Her emerald eyes surveyed the place. She wrinkled her nose in distaste as she picked up a strong awful stench. Scattered around were bags, boxes, clothes…toys. She walked through the mess and lifted a plastic bag to reveal a "naughty" magazine. She quickly covered it again, a red blush covering her cheeks. She turned away embarrassed. Her eyes glued to Nieve but the girl didn't seem to notice. Nieve had been making her way through the room, into the bedroom. 

Levina followed Nieve silently into the bedroom. The closer she got, the stronger the stench was. She held her breath and gulped in meager breaths to keep the stench away. She stared at Nieve's back as she stood still in the doorway, framed by its splintering edges. Nieve was standing too still for everything to seem ok. Levina peeked over Nieve's shoulder and she nearly purged. She quickly pulled back, tears running down her face, as her breakfast was screaming to move up and out. She ran off quickly into the dirty sink in the kitchen and everything came out. She was breathing hard, gasping, shaking. Gasping and shaking, trying to forget what she saw, what she smelled. 

How could Nieve stand it? She brushed hot tears away. It wasn't that she was crying. It was the sickness that was gnawing at her throat. 

She looked up and she saw Nieve's figure in the open doorway. Nieve didn't say anything. She continued to walk out, leaving a shaking Levina. Quickly, Levina ran out, catching Nieve's flying black coat. She held the smaller girl from moving on further. 

"Nieve! What the hell was that?" she demanded. "Who did that? Who the hell would do such a horrible thing?" Nieve didn't answer. She slammed Nieve into the gate like a doll. "Aren't you a little bit shaken?! For god's sake! It's a freakin mutilated body! How can you be so calm?!" Nieve turned to look at her and as soon as she stared into those dark eyes, she froze in place. Nieve walked on, leaving Levina's frozen figure. 

"Nieve…" Levina stopped herself. All she could do was look helplessly from the open doorway to Nieve's retreating figure. 

Nieve walked calmly but her feet broke into a run as soon as she was houses away. She didn't care if Levina followed or not. She didn't care if anybody saw her. She wasn't afraid of anyone or anything. Not anymore; will never be. Can never be. She couldn't do or say anything yet though. It had just shocked her speechless…shocked her so that she would never be surprised again, never be fazed by anything. She thought she had found how cruel humans could be; now she was wrong, more wrong then ever. Her figure crumbled to the ground in a heap when she gave up to the empty alleyways. Her fists were locked tightly in front of her; her face would not be lifted to face the sky. 

She knew who had done it and why. They had done it. They did it. The dark room had revealed all the evidence she would ever need for justice. 

The bed had been ripped and torn. Blankets were covered with blood and guts. In the corner… Her eyes were wide open, Prussian eyes shinning as if looking at something. Dried blood trailed down her face and lips to her neck to the floor. A couple of feet away laid the body, sprawled out with no hands, or legs. Small bony fingers were scattered over the dismembered arms and legs. The body didn't even need to be turned over. It was drenched in a thick pool of blood. The body had been sliced open, right through the sternum and ribcage. The lungs were pulled and separated from the body. Intestines were wrapped around the abdomen. Other organs were pulled out as well, sprawled in front of the body. Some hung from the ceiling, held by knives, still dripping with blood. 

Nieve opened her eyes, her face in sweats, shaking. What had scared her the most was the smile on the child's face. Why had she been…smiling? She buried her face in her hands and wept. 

'A little girl, when I first met you. I loved you; you were the innocence I could never taint. You were the innocence I could not have. You were our emblem for joy. You were the one who made us smile after all the bad things we do day in and day out. You let me believe that what I was doing was Ok…because it was all I needed to do for survival. You were our Setsuko. And now…all the guilt, it's coming back to me. Your brother left me first and now you too…you both are so cruel to me but I deserve it. I caused both of you all this grief. I deserve it…but it should have been me, the one that died, the one they killed. Should have been my blood that they used...' 

"Setsuko…I'm so sorry…" she murmured through guilty sobs. "I am so sorry…"

Levina watched from faraway. She was stunned. 'She does have a conscience after all…'__

_------------------_

"Why haven't you reached there yet? What the hell is taking you so long? I can't have someone incompetent working for me!" 

"I'm sorry sir…there's just been some difficulties. I'm going to get there by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? You better. I can't have you do it if you can't do it right! Get there by tomorrow . I'll hear no more from you unless its about the Gundam-that you _found_ it."

The phone slammed on her and she depressed the button on her cell phone. 

'Concentrate Tsara…concentrate.' Her car wasn't moving at all. She was staring ahead. Again.

------------

Levina rubbed her eyes and looked at the digital clock in front of her. It was only two in the morning. She got up tiredly and walked in a trance-like state to the bathroom. She rubbed her eyes to clear them and was shocked to see Nieve in the bathroom. In her hand was a pair of scissors and in the other was a thick long loft of hair…long hair coming from Nieve's head. Nieve had flinched when she heard footsteps but she had not turned around to face Levina, instead she held the scissor to her hair and with a snap, the long silky ebony hair fell to the floor in a heap. Levina could hear heavy breathing and soft sobbing. 

Levina made a motion to move forward but something held her back. She stopped and turned around, walking back to her room. She couldn't sleep so she laid on her bed for an hour or so, staring into the ceiling, wishing they were the stars, thinking about Nieve's strangeness. Unable to figure anything out, she pulled herself from bed and walked by the bathroom, to get out the window to go to the rooftop. Out of curiosity, she stopped by the bathroom, flicked the lights on and found a heap of hair piled in the small wastebasket. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and realized for the first time that the mirror was broken and had stains of blood on it. A bit shocked, her eyes traveled to the sink. On the sink were two necklaces, one holding a locket and another holding a key. Levina picked them up and held them to the dim light. With her heart beating, Levina glanced at the small picture in the locket. 

It was a man with startling blue eyes and wavy blonde hair and a beautiful little girl. The little girl…looked vaguely familiar. They were both smiling and waving. 

She would have stood there forever, looking into the faces of innocence and happiness if not for the rattle behind her. Startled, Levina flicked the lights off and rushed out through the hallway to the window.  

Levina climbed the ladder then climbed over the edge. She almost lost her hold when she saw a figure sitting there. Before she could fall, that someone grabbed her hand and pulled her up. 

"Thanks," she mumbled. She looked to see her rescuer and was quite surprise to find Nieve sitting on the edge looking distant and aloof. Her hair was put messily in a bun. Nieve didn't reply. Levina coughed then settled herself nicely next to Nieve. "What are you doing out here so…early?"

"I might ask you the same."

"Couldn't sleep."

Nieve raised her eyebrows. She pulled a box of cigarettes from her coat pocket and took one out. She lit it then stuck it in her mouth, inhaling the poisons as if her life depended on it. She offered the box to Levina who looked disgusted and refused. 

"Suit yourself." She tucked it back inside her coat pocket. 

"You're awfully thin and too pale for smoking you know."

"Hey, you're gonna die someday. Why not make it sooner?" Levina glared at her. She sneered. 

"You're such a pessimist."

Nieve shrugged as if to say, "it's my nature."

Levina sighed. She fell onto her back and lay there, staring into the stars. She could see the smoke trailing from Nieve's cigarette, emptying into the night sky. Slowly she closed her eyes.

"Nieve…who is Setsuko?" Immediately she could feel the air become suddenly chilled. She turned her face to Nieve who had stopped inhaling her poisons and was as still as a statue. "So…who is she?" Levina continued to prompt casually. She wanted an answer. 

"Nishi's sister." Nieve inhaled again then threw her cigarette bud into the ground below. She coughed then grabbed another cigarette. Levina sat up looking at her disgustingly. 

"Why did they do that to her?" Nieve shrugged as she let her body fall and she laid somewhere near Levina. They both remained silent, staring into an empty black sky. No stars out at all. 

"You better be careful," Nieve said. "They're coming for you tomorrow." She stuck her cigarette in her mouth then stood up and climbed the ladder down again. Levina shivered, glanced at her watch…only 4 am. She yawned then decided to give into the sleep that had suddenly claimed her. 

'They're coming for me, eh? I wonder how she knows.'

------------

Levina started out early. She had only had about 2 hours worth of sleep but the anxiety was too much. She gave up sleep and crawled out. She would leave Nieve's place early. 'They're coming for you.' She shivered, putting on a jacket and socks. 'How do you know so much Nieve?' She walked past the bathroom again and disappeared through a window. 

Nieve watched from the shadows, smoking away with a smirk. 

Levina trudged through the garbage-aligned alleys. She tried to keep her profile as low as she could, walking in the shadows as well as walking away from the whispers she heard mumbling after her. She continued walking until she no longer knew where she was. The poverty was familiar but the walkways and streets showed no resemblance to the ways Nieve led her. She stopped. She heard footsteps following her, tracing her own. She whirled around to find empty air. She turned back.

WHAM. She was knocked down. Her body hit the pavement hard. Her head immediately started spinning. Digging her nails into the cold cement with her fingers, she pulled herself from the black abyss. She stood up and was slammed into the brick wall. 

"Well, well….isn't it little miss prim and proper?! What are you doing in these streets?" he asked breathing heavily. She lifted her head to meet him. He smiled and punched her in the stomach. 'Demented hobo,' she thought. She coughed and slammed her body right into his. He was knocked down to his knees but he was still smiling with wide, red eyes filled with delirium. He pulled from behind him a pocketknife. "You think you can knock me down, huh? You think you can, can you? You can't. You can't stupid bitch!" He lunged at her. She had been prepared. The trashcan top stopped his assault. She kicked him hard between his legs. He doubled over, dropping the knife. His eyes peered up at her, accusingly…questioningly. "Do you think I am any less than a human because of what I am? Huh?" His lips curled into a smile again and he laughed. He laughed and laughed until he was crying. Levina stepped back, dropping the trashcan top to the cement. She was taken back by his strange attitude and choice of words. He was still laughing when she ran off quickly. "I'll get you one of these days, girl!" She shivered. 

His eyes had been bloodshot red. Beautiful…deformed…desolate, deranged, delirious. This part of town, this…was this poverty just here or was it throughout Japan? Or was it throughout the world? She stopped dead in her tracks and breathed heavily against the support of the graffiti painted walls. 

It was still just years ago when she heard endless explosions, gunshots and screams for help and pity. Everyone around her was in poverty, poor unto poor trying to survive on the edge of a blade; teetering one way or the other would eventually lead to death. She had been terrified. That was when she was still on earth living under the arms of her mother.

And then when she was on the colonies, they told her that she would be taught to pilot a Gundam to help save people like her. They had blamed the earth for the poor condition it was in and the people that were killed day by day. "Get revenge on the earth," they repeated to her day by day. And she listened to them. The people of the earth, she pressed in her heart, were what killed her mother. 

Levina crumbled to the floor. Was it all the earth's fault now? Could the earth be blamed for the war that was still igniting and slumbering across the earth to the colonies? Could the colonies be blamed too? Here lies in poverty and on the colonies, giant mechas of destruction are altered to become even more powerful and destructive. 

'Are we at fault too? Is what I want to save, what I am going to destroy when I pilot a Gundam?'

She closed her eyes tightly. With the breaking of a piece of glass, Levina stood up startled. She fell back against the wall, shocked. 

"T-T-Tsara…" It was motionless. Tsara stood in front of her in the same manner she had stood when she had instructed her. 

"Hello…again, Levina." Tsara smiled. "I've come for you."

"Are you one of their bitches, Tsara? I'm not going anywhere, even with you!" Levina glared at Tsara who stood smiling. "I'm not going back," she said through clenched teeth. "I'll go to Hell and back…but not there." 

"I'm not here to take you back. I'm only here to deliver and help you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Tsara flinched at Levina's choice of words. 

"Let's make a deal since you can't seem to understand. You go with me to the Colony Base…no fuss, no nothing."

"Are you crazy?!"

"You didn't let me finish," Tsara said, glaring at her.

Levina coughed. "Go on."

"As I said…you go back with me-no problems no nothing and be only jailed for 3 days."

"Three days only?! Did they make a deal with you to trick me?!"

"No. It's _my_ deal. This doesn't include them anymore Levina. This is between you and me. You help me and I will help you."

"How will you get me out then?"

"I have my ways."

"I don't trust you."

"I don't need your trust. Just your cooperation."

"How much time do I have?"

"Forty eight hours."

She groaned. Damn. Too little time to come up with a backup plan. She looked up as she saw Tsara walking away. "Hold on…where am I-"

"I'll be at the dock if you decide to come. Be there by 12 midnight. I need your help. We need to go 'treasure hunting'." Before Levina could say anymore, Tsara's figure disappeared. She let out a deep breath as her body clanged to the brick wall. She was troubled, deeply troubled by her own doings. She was not afraid of the punishment she would have to face but the person she would have disappointed and the ideals she had been brought up with that now seemed all wrong.  

'I don't know if I'm willing to cooperate.'

---------

Tsara's smile quickly turned into a frown as she walked away. Her body was shaking and she was not sure if doing what she was doing was right…but then again nothing she had ever done had been right. She rubbed her eyes in exhaustion. What had been said had been said and she would have to trust Levina's judgment. For now, her direction was pointed toward someone else. Nieve. That girl, her stepsister. 

'Didn't you wait all these years for her?'

Tsara sighed. Now or later, she had to do it. She was so preoccupy she did not see where she was going and ran smacked into someone's hard stoic body. 

"I'm so sorry!" She said, feeling fluster and embarrassed. 'Dumb blondes…' she thought bitterly. She got up and looked up. Her eyes widened with surprise. Her heart was pounding through her ribcage.  

"No problem at all Miss. You just go on," he said calmly with a tiny smile on. He quickly brushed himself off and started to walk away.  

"Wait!" she said suddenly. He turned around, brows raised in questions. "Uhh…No…I'm Sorry. I…I thought you were someone else." He smiled understandably and turned around to disappear into the black corner. Her heart sank. "Kunzite," she called after him. The name had just popped into her mind but it had seemed so right. It framed him correctly. Those same features, those long platinum strands of hair…they were so familiar, they were what made her dreams.

The young man continued but he stopped when he heard someone whispered his name. Kunzite. He shrugged. It must have been the wind. He smiled as he saw his partner. The younger man was waving him over with a cigarette tucked between his fingers. "Good morning, Zoicite," he called. 

Feeling disappointed, she walked slowly back to her hastily parked convertible when her cell phone began ringing, breaking through her thoughts. Quickly, she rushed to her car. 

"Yes? Hello?" Tsara drew in a deep breath. 

"Tsara? Tsara? Is that you? I can't hear you, speak louder!"

"D? D, is that you?"

"Ye..ah."

"How are you?"

"Fine. I hope you're doing better yourself. I'm just calling to make sure you go to see her. You better. God knows how long you've waited. She might give you some answers as well…There's too much static and I just got an order so I'll call you later. Take care."

"Wait! D!" The line was already dead. She sighed and tossed the cell phone into the passenger seat. She jumped into the car and turned the ignition on. Now or later or now or never. 

Her foot stepped on the gas. Too late. It was going to be now.

---------

She was still sitting in the car looking irritated and impatient when she finally spotted a figure. She sat up and watched as the person made its way closer and closer to her. "Nieve…" she whispered. Her heart was thumping. She was shaking. "Shimatta…what am I going to do?" She watched as Nieve walked closer. The closer her stepsister came the more anxiety filled her stomach. 

Nieve. How different the dark-haired girl looked now. She was so thin and pale…but as beautiful as she could remember. Her eyes were dark and downcast, a bit emptier than they used to be, depths deeper than an average child. 

"Nieve? Nieve…is that you?" She slowly climbed out of the car, walking slowly to meet her halfway. Nieve stopped and looked at Tsara. Her jaw was slightly open and the cigarette in there fell out to the ground. "I…I…" She couldn't find the words to begin. The only thing she knew to do was to grab onto her little sister and hold onto her forever. 'Please…this feels so…normal…I just want to make it last.' She held onto her step-sister, ignoring the awful smell of cigarettes and another unidentified stench. "Do you know Nieve? How long it has been? I-I can't even recognize you anymore…" She held her tighter until she noticed the feeling was not reciprocated. She stopped and slowly stepped away, plastering on a sad mile. "Nieve," she reassured herself again, letting the syllables of the name assure her. 

For the longest time, silence filled the gap and Tsara was afraid, more afraid than ever before that this girl was going to tell her she had made a mistake. Her fingers had turned into a fist, shaking with a shiver of anxiety.  

"You-you are Tsara," she finally replied. Tsara watched closely as the girl's brows knitted into confusion and a daze.  

"Yes. Yes I am Tsara, Nieve," she said softly. Just reassure me that you are Nieve, she whispered within her mind over and over again. Just tell me that I didn't take a stranger for my sister.            

Nieve closed her eyes, running her fingers over her face. 

'I am so confused right now,' she thought. 'I don't know how to welcome you. I don't even know who you really are. Except that you claim to be Tsara. Are you really Tsara? How can I know someone whom I remember so little of? How would Nishi do it?'

Nieve tried to remember. 

"Ahh…welcome home, welcome home then," Nieve said at long last, slowly as if she had reviewed the words in her head a million times.  

Tsara buried her teeth into her lips, smiling in a quiver of tears. She wanted so badly for everything to be normal. Everything if anything-she wanted to remind her of the little girl she thought she used to know. She wanted so badly to see the same smile on her face, the same one that Nieve used to plaster on to mimic her. Everything to be like the old days. Like when it was just the four of them…mom, dad, sisters. Almost perfect. 

"I'm home…Nieve…I'm home at last," she breathed, at last letting her tears fall. 

'So..so. This is she. This is my step sister. I guess she did mean what she said in that letter. I guess she is still like her old self. Cheerful. Optimistic. Things I don't ever want to become. Funny how I used her back then…used her so I could know what it meant to be like her-smile, smile. Funny how that small part of her influence kept me alive. Funny how now that I really see her…I kind of miss her. I kind of miss them too now…I can see her, my step-mother in Tsara's image. I don't want to see him though…father. The asshole. If he's dead like she claims him to be it's better he rots in hell. 

'Tsara. I really don't know what else to say to her. I only say things, things I kind of know you will like to hear. I can see it in your character how you are also fatigued by your own problems. If anything…I'm sick of creating problems, problems to destroy lives. Its better for me to shut my mouth. I really don't know what to say, so don't think me aloof.'

---------

The hours, as short as they were, they seemed to lag on forever. At night, she could see the shadows, hear the voice and know who exactly it was. At every moment it was recognizable, Tsara would raise her eyebrow as if in amusement and wonder how exactly the two came into terms. They whispered but there was little said, nothing that was of her concern anyway. 'How odd it seems…that they are like friends, Levina and Nieve…' 

During the daylight hours, she watched as her sister left, wandering out looking like her destination was unknown; her feet were just taking her on a journey. Tsara would sit and try to call D although it had been very clear when they had restricted her calls to the colonies. "It would be suspicious," they had said over and over again. 

When Nieve came back, her hours became even shorter yet they lagged aimlessly. 

'I don't know what to say, what to do. I only know how to watch her. I have only some hours before I leave…I have to meet Levina soon. I can't be late for my own meeting.' 

----------

She watched as Nieve walked out the door again but not without a sword of some sort. She had looked on curiously, wanting to ask questions but had decided against it. 'I can't bud into her business, not yet,' she chided herself. 

She watched as Nieve walked on. Her heart was pounding but she got up and raced for her car, key in hand. 

-------------

Nieve lit the cigarette in her mouth and continued waking although she felt the eyes of an intruder. She walked past the homeless, bathing themselves underneath a streetlight, surrounding the heat of a trashcan. They nodded to her and she nodded back. She stepped in the alley to throw her bud onto the trashed floor. She searched a pocket for another but found none. She had run out of her little drug. Feverishly she rubbed her eyes and continued walking. Not looking where she was going, she knocked shoulders with a taller man. He grunted. She passed him by carelessly. 

He began muttering. With sharp ears, she picked up cussing words on her behalf. 

"Stupid onna. Can't seem to do anything but get in my way!" 

Nieve whirled around and yanked his short ponytail. He let out a yelp. She pulled him to face her and she stared into his coal black eyes with anger. 

"Fuck off, asshole. You were the one who bumped into me. Watch where your scrawny feet are taking you next time."

"Fuck you!" he said through clenched teeth as he pushed her away from him. 'Do anything but TOUCH the ponytail!' "Fucken bitch can't even watch where you are going!" Too late to not pick a fight. She pushed him into the wall, considering the short width of the alleyway. When he was against the wall, she unsheathed her sword, which he noticed for the first time and held it's sharp shiny blade to his neck. 

"I can cut your throat right now but I'm saving this untouched blade for someone else's flesh. Consider yourself lucky, asshole." She spat at his feet and used the hilt of the sword to slam into his stomach. He doubled over but he yanked her messy bun and wrapped his arm around her neck to choke her. Never had he even been beaten up by a woman. He slammed her small body onto the ground. She slammed her right foot into his stomach and then elbowed his chest. He rolled over to the wall coughing. She fought dangerously. It seemed if she wanted to, she could kill him and not care. She stood up and kicked his head for one last measure of revenge and walked off. 

WuFei watched as she disappeared. Coughing and rubbing his chest he stood up. He blinked when he saw a chain at his feet. He bent down, must be hers. He picked it up and was alarmed. It was a key on a chain. He turned the key around and ran to the spotlight to read the writings on the back. He momentarily shocked.

"Long," he said in a whispered. 

'Those eyes, those features…' he recalled. 'I think I've seen them before, I've seen those same features before…' He placed the chain in his pocket and started running. He had to leave. Now. He didn't care about his Gundam anymore. Let that onna take care of it.

---------

"So the little bitch is here," the ringleader snickered. Kasaki, they called him. His rugged face smiled cruelly. He fingered the gun like a messiah. She stood below them with her face hung low into the shadows. The sword was clutched in her left hand and she was extremely calm. She heard the snickers and saw blindly the nods that triggered the attack. Without any hesitation, she unsheathed the sword like a flash of lightning and jumped from her position, defending herself and attacking all those who opposed her. Her main target was Kasaki however and all these attackers were meager portions that served to fill the greater hunger. 

"Kasaki, come out you asshole. I want a piece of your flesh," she said through clenched teeth as she struck her attacker through the guts, breathing heavily with a glint in her eyes. He laughed from the walls of the cars piled high. These junks were his domain and he was the king. He knew that tone; it was craving for blood. His blood. Many had craved it before and no one had been able to taste it. He would be damned if he let a little girl see his blood spill. 

He stepped out, taking the gun out. He aimed the gun directly at her face and pulled the trigger. A shot went pass her face by inches. She didn't flinch. 

"I take it you saw my little surprise? Didn't you like it, Nieve?" His lips broadened into a smile and he shot at her again, only this time did he purposely miss her face by centimeters. She looked up into his eyes and he saw her smile. It reeked of blood and it wanted more. His blood, it screamed constantly.  

"I saw it Kasaki. I liked it. I will like it even more if it was you!" She jumped from her position and started climbing the piles of cars to get to him. The gun was fired again, this time aiming for her legs. She grasped a car and grabbed on, climbing to its flattened hood. More gunshots came at her. So he was never alone. She ran at him at full speed, ducking anything that came at her. Her strength, she had never seen it so prominent in her blood before. 

It seemed to want this blood. It seemed to thrive _with_ blood. 'This power, she thought, 'I have always felt it but it grows so strong now…it burns like flame and spreads like fire.' 

She jumped at the bigger man, throwing him off his feet as she held the sword at his throat. He saw her eyes. They had turned a dark red. He trembled as he tried to draw away from her clutch. She was so strong now. The sword came closer to his throat, seducing his skin with its sharp blade. 

"You thought you could surprise me, Kasaki. Didn't you ever learn not to mess with me? Didn't I tell you to **never ever** concern her?" She plunged the sword into his shoulder blade. He gasped as it pierced his skin. It didn't cut too deeply…yet unbearable pain was what he suffered. "Setsuko. You killed an innocent little girl. I'll kill you one hundred times worse you fucken asshole." She slowly drew the sword from his already open wound, slicing through torn skin and then plunged it back in right through his body. He screamed feverishly as he bit back the urge to cry. It hurt so badly and it felt like fire spreading through his vessels. 

"It isn't my fault," he said through screams. "You were late. I lost 5 men for it. An eye for an eye, Nieve. Just that." Nieve's eyes were emotionless.

"Those men deserved to die. You do too." She drew the sword out and plunged it through the same wound. His eyes widened as he felt the pain over again to a greater degree and realized for the first time, the flame that was visible like an aura.  

"What the fuck are you Nieve?" he screamed as his body started to erupt into flames. She held him in his place, stopping him from struggling. Her knees bounded his burning legs and her left hand held his hands in their place. She didn't seem to mind the flames. He was screaming at the top of his lungs now. Screaming for help and pity. He could smell his flesh burning, could feel his body giving into the urge to breakdown. He screamed and screamed. He thrusting leg finally dislodged Nieve from atop of him. From out of nowhere several shots were fired, hitting her three times on the left shoulder. Another ring of shots entered her left legs and right below her ribs. Her head slumped back as she stumbled back and finally off the edge of the pile of cars into the ground below. She slammed down with a sickening thump. She smiled though as she watched Kasaki erupt totally into flames. Her eyes lay open, counting aimlessly the stars that had suddenly appeared. She was waiting, waiting for the voice that she wanted to take her. 

'Nishi, I'm waiting for you. For you,' she thought. 'Even pain right now doesn't seem to hurt. I can't feel a thing. I like this. I feel like I'm weightless…' She was bleeding, her mind being lulled into deep slumber. 

As her mind was losing, she could hear in the thick background more shots. This time though they weren't coming for her. Briefly she saw blue eyes and golden hair. 

"Nieve, you are going to be all right," she heard Tsara say as she was lifted. "You are going to be…" Her vision faded. Her hearing disappeared. 

---------

'I want to die,' she said. 'Let me die.'

'No, not yet Child,' said the beautiful woman with long black tresses and violet eyes. 'We have so much to do…so much to see and feel. I cannot let you lose it all because of this. Not yet. We can't keep him waiting forever. Too many lifetimes wasted on dwelling in the past.'

Tsara stood in front of the glass window overlooking her sister. She held one hand to the glass. 'What am I to do,' she asked herself. She felt it her responsibility to take care of her sister yet…she had another responsibility. She closed her eyes. A decision had to be made; her other responsibility and dealing lie in the harbor at midnight. "Nieve…I-I…pray you will forgive me for this." She turned around to talk to the nurse at the station. 

---------

Her eyes fluttered open to the throbbing in her head, the lights that were threatening to wake her up. She looked all around her and realized she could not move except for the simple movements of her neck. Strange eyes looked down upon her and she struggled. 

"Don't move, Ms.," he said through a mask. "It'll make it mighty easier. On you and us."

"What the fuck are you doing?" she demanded through clenched teeth as the needled was lowered into her arm. She tried to wiggle her arm out of the grasp but strong arms had locked them in place. She didn't like this, being in a foreign place, handled by strangers…and men of all strangers sticking needles into her body. "LET ME GO!" She screamed as the needled pierced through her skin. It was quick and it sting. She could see her blood dripping down her arm onto the floor. She tried to kick and move but it was no use. 

"Now, now Missy! Look what you've done! Hold her down! Her sister said she might resist-"                  

Sister, she thought. Her struggled ceased for just a fraction of a second. "My sister," she screamed. "Where the hell is she? She would never leave me in here! Where is she? TSARA! TSARA!" Nieve was screaming at the top of her lungs. She could feel her wounds opening in symphony with her movements but she paid it no heed. She had to get out, leave this place of men dressed in white-an asylum. "TSARA!" she screamed. The smaller man in the white coat punched her across the face. He looked terrified yet determined to make her shut up. She was detained for that while as she tried to recover. "Let me go," she said, threateningly spitting out the blood. 

"LET ME GO!" This time the lights went out with her scream. The tools of medicine clattered to the floor and flames suddenly burst out of nowhere, surrounding them and threatening to swallow them. "TSARA! TSARA!" Another man grabbed a needle and tore off its sterile covering. 

"Hold her down!" he commanded. This girl, although small, she was frightening. She would not cease struggling, her legs kicking and arms wailing from the straps that bound her. He gripped her arm-hard and brutally and although he could see her flinch, he plunged the needled into her pale vein, releasing all the tranquilizer formula. Nieve screamed but continued struggling, freeing her body from the straps. She fell off the bed onto the floor. They needed to calm her down. One held her hair, pulling it back as she flinched. Another kicked her numerous times to knock her out. She coughed, spitting out blood. 

Cruelty, a name she had never forgotten. The darkness was claiming her and she was slowly losing consciousness. 

The leader of the men stood up and walked to the door, opening it. Once outside of the room, he took off his face mask and glasses, rubbing his eyes wearily. "You never told me your sister was-was…this…thing, this pyro-kinetic freak!" he said accusingly. Tsara's features never changed. Her eyes were now locked with Nieve who looked dangerously feverish. Those dark violet eyes were so dangerous and they were blaming her, blaming Tsara. 

"I did not but you have agreed to keep her here. Make sure she doesn't go anywhere. This is the safest she will be until I am back. Am I understood?" Her blue eyes locked with his. He gulped and nodded. Woman of any kind he had figured were not to meddle with especially if they were in connection with each other. "Good." She turned around when she stopped.

"TSARA!" He looked into the window and could see the girl struggling, defiant of the tranquilizer effect. "TSARA! Get me out of here," she was screaming. "If you leave me here, I'll never forgive you! I'll kill you when I get out! I'll kill you! I'll kill…" He cringed as the others beat her again, trying to knock her out. The blonde girl had continued and had left the building already. 

Outside the wretched building, Tsara shivered. 'I know,' she thought. 'I know you won't forgive me but this is what I think I can do since I'm not strong enough to take care of you. Let them keep you safe-at least for now…because I can't. Please…dear Goddesses… 

'I know you can't forgive me now but I want to protect you, don't you know. I can't leave you out there. Even behind locked doors, I feel more at ease that you will be safe. Even if they hurt you, I pray with all my stars that it is a safer haven in there then out here. Please, Nieve. I only do for you what I think is right. I only do for you what I think will help you. I want to keep you safe, protect you, make up for all those lost times I lost you and left you behind. You can't forgive me now but one day…please forgive me, Nieve.' 

Tsara's shadow disappeared with her as the lights flickered on again. The building, The Institute for the Care of the Unstable, loomed behind like a darker shadow rising from the depths of the ground.

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'Is she coming or did she just set me up?' Levina pranced back and forth on the wooden boards. Her mind was made up and if Tsara didn't show up soon, she would forfeit their arrangement. In truth, she did not want to go back, she feared going back but the desire to see someone again was so strong she dared sacrifice her freedom. Her prancing was stopped short as she heard footsteps behind her. Quickly she turned around and smiled smugly. Tsara stood across from her.

"I see. You're coming with me then?" Levina nodded. 

"I see I've no choice and I see what my rashness has already gotten me into. Tsara, I hope I have your word on this."

"Yes, you have my word." She looked across the sea. "Believe me now, Levina. You will go with me to the colonies and your judgment will be set on you. They will lock you for this trial and in three days, I will come get you. Understood?" Her eyes locked in understanding with Levina. "Now, we need to go treasure hunting for a certain mecha."

Levina's eyes widened. "How the hell are you expecting to get that thing?" Tsara looked at her pointedly. 

"Get into the boat with me and just cooperate. Where did you leave the Gundam? Can you give me the coordinates?"

Levina buried her face in her hands, trying to remember. 'Shit…' "Go and I will tell you. I can't remember the coordinates but I can tell you where."

"How so? The water is ever moving. It doesn't all look the same."

"Let's…just-just go. All right?"

"Ok."

-------

Levina looked from the spacecraft at the small planet below her. She had forgotten how beautiful earth was despite its destruction due to war. She placed her hand on the window and breathed on it. 

"Tsara, are you ready for this?" The blonde did not answered but she knew she had her attention. "What are you going to do if you are caught?" Levina turned to face her motionless back. Tsara stood up and brushed herself. 

"I won't get caught. You won't either but from this point on, you can't turn back any longer. Not even to the person you love." Levina watched as she left the room. She huddled to the ground. 

-------------

They had been back for less than an hour when Levina was promptly handcuffed and accompanied to the cells.       

Levina blinked back tears as she was slammed into the cell. Her face glanced up to catch Tsara's who had incomprehensible features. The blonde hair girl leaned into the cell and pull Levina's face to meet hers. "Wait for my signal. Don't do anything stupid." Levina's eyes swelled with anger but she nodded. Tsara left then, slamming the cell door behind her. The reverberating sounds of emptiness crept in and Levina locked herself into the corner, cradling herself. Shadows spoke to her that night in snarls and laughter, inviting her. She buried her ears and sang to herself; closed her eyes and saw him staring at her patiently. 

Her eyes snapped open and she stood up, shivering as she glanced at the mirror. A shadow of herself stared back at her. Her fingers strove to touch her own reflection. The girl staring back at her looked so different and yet so familiar. Her features were haggard and vague and her eyes…they were unrecognizable. 

'Have I grown older,' she asked herself. 'Have I changed?' 

The image changed then, into a beautiful woman. Her skin was of dark ivory and her curly hair flourished down her shoulders. Levina stepped back aghast. The women smiled and yet her eyes looked out, forward into Levina's eyes. She was so beautiful and yet it seemed carried within her eyes were shadows of the darkest places and burdens no one else wanted to endure.

'Levina. You have grown and you have changed. One thing remains though…your heart, it still desires what we both have waited for, lifetimes and lifetimes past. Remember to be patient, a princess never gets all that her heart desires.' The image of the woman disappeared and Levina was deserted again in the empty cell. Her legs huddled close to her and she slept.

-------

"You can't go to see her without permission!"

"I have permission. Let me through."

"But-But!"

She heard a loud thud and looked up to see a tall figure. He hovered over her looking down at her. In observance or pity, she didn't know. She didn't want to look at him. Her gaze turned to the crevices of the floor. Her eyes continued to stare at the dirty floor although she felt his 

"Lev, why don't you look at me?" he asked as he leaned down, head to head. "Do you really despise me that much?" His long arms reached through the bars and touch her. He felt her coil as she pulled back. "Lev," he called again. "If I did something wrong, then tell me. Tell me." Her face looked up at him then. His own eyes soften. He did not speak anymore then. He fell into silence again. His eyes speaking with her own until she broke it off. 

"Did I disappoint you?" she asked. He remained silent, the silence he had always been acknowledged for. 

"I knew you were going to do it," he said at long last, speaking softly. "Those cookies were a bit too sweet." He smiled. "But I'm not disappointed. You did what you did. I can't hold you back.

"And I still wonder…why did you do it?"

"Don't you ever feel like this, Trowa?" Her eyes grew sad. "Feel like you are at the ends of your ropes. I just wanted to tie a knot at the end of it so I could hold on." She moved forward until their faces were inches apart. She smiled as she traced his cheek with her rugged hand. 

"I don't like this. I don't like being used. I know you are too, like all the other pilots but no one will say anything."

He said no more. He only closed his eyes and butted heads with her. This woman, he thought, she has come back from a journey, changed. Do you think less of me now? He hand reached out and slowly he caressed her face. It had become softer. 

Tell me…now that you're back with drops of Jupiter in her hair 

"You've changed, Lev." He smiled. "I'm really happy." His hand drifted to her hand and he placed within its grasp something wrapped in a cloth. "It reminds me that there's room to grow." He got up and started to walk off with his head bowed to the floor in a serene matter. Levina looked at his figure until he had gone through the door did she stand up against the bars to call for him. 

"Trowa," she whispered as the urge to cry came over her. "I haven't changed. I'm still clinging to you. Waiting for you to save me…" The cloth from her hand fell with a clatter. She glanced down and saw tumbling out of it was a pair of earrings. Levina leaned down and picked them up. 

It was two rose buds. The same ones she had seen long ago. Gently, her fingers traced their intricate carvings. Words of the past came to her like ghosts. 

_'Ne, Trowa, when I was small…my mama, she told me that when I had grown up, she would buy rose earrings for me, just likes hers. I'm still waiting, even though I know…she won't.'_

The woman's voice came back. 'You _have_ grown, Levina,' she reminded.

~\---------/~

/a.n/ It's been a long, long while and I hope I still have some readers…I hope? Anyway to everyone who has read my story, thank you so much for the reviews and everything! 

Thank you to Chibi-chan, Joanna, mako-chan-fan, senshi, Crystal Dragon, island_gurl, Princess Jupiter, Girl-chama, anna, allegra, Marsgoddess,  Priscilla, IsleofSolitude, marzy001, The 80lb Carrot, makoto, Sandra, key, star25801, Kasumi, JupLuna, Kaze, and Cade! And also to everyone else I forgot to mention!

+Leave me a review…please? -**puppy dog eyes- Thank you! Thank you! Happy reading and reviewing!**  


	6. v the scientist

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Red over lunar

Chapter v…the scientist

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures,  
Pulling your puzzles apart.  
Questions of science, science and progress,  
Do not speak as loud as my heart."

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disclaimers: if I owned sm/gw, does anybody think I'll still be writing fics? Oh…all right, I would still be but, sm/gw does not belong to me. They belong to their rightful owners, whom I'm not sure of…;;

Notes:

-_italics_ are thoughts

-these ----- separate and show time frames

-Enid/Ami centered! )

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_I believe I can save you._

_I will save you._

_Let me save you..._

Scarred arms stretched out. Bullets flying. Husky voices chanting in the background, mixing fluidly with the chant of footsteps. His eyes snapped open. He had been blocked. The bullet, no longer his for the taking. The blood did not seep as he had learned to expect. The body - who had saved him? Who would save him? It made no sense.

_How can you? How can YOU! HOW!_

His own gun dropped with a series of echoes, magnified by the volume of the previous blood puddle. He reached out, catching not the bullet but the body.

_WHY? Why would you? Why did you!_

He dropped down to his knees, cradling the back of the body, fingers delicately brushing the silky blonde hair.

It was not possible for someone to want to die for him. Almost, he thought sardonically, against the laws of karma, which he believed fervently when outcomes were about to screw him over, impossible to be saved. No one would cherish his life that much... Except...

"You son of a bitch!" He never saw the fist coming from the back of his head...and mind you, Heero Yuy never sleeps for any reason...except this unforeseen predicament. _(Could it be a predicament? She saved you...would you call it that?) _

His head snapped back, a trail of blood flying out with a string of salty saliva. Those were evidences of the full intentions of his assailant. Before he could move, another punch came, sending his head colliding with the hard cold cement. His blood, again spilling to wait his descend.

"N-o...no..." she called out weakly. She crawled toward him. Blood coming out of her mouth as she moved.

(When you shoot, look for blood from the mouth, that will tell you how much more brutal you need to be, J had said.) His eyes widened as he saw it - another shot flying for her now frail life.

_You cannot become frailty - you who must be strong..._

Her body stiffened as the bullet's velocity aided it to swiftly pierce her flesh. She cried out. "No..."

He screamed for her. "RELENA!" Milliardo rushed for her, shielding her. Anger had bested him in his temperament. There - it was hardly possible to save her now. He cradled the dying girl. She continued to try, reaching for _him_.

_You should have not gotten mad...never. Shouldn't! _

His thoughts became frantic fragments.

_Let me save you! Please..._ He prayed, over and over, words fluctuating between nonstop sentences. He looked darkly over to the boy who was still stunned on the cement.

How could she still want to see him?

He let her go - his body carrying her over. She was dying - nearly dead, what was the difference?

"I've...always wanted to... save you, Heero...so that...so you could save yourself." Her pale hand, a limb that he saw was already being subjected to rigor mortis, touched his cheek, caressing it for its harshness...

But he was always prosaic with words, his tone and choice always succinct. So he said to her...

"Relena." Maybe softer and more tender than his other times...but still, nearly the only word he had ever used with her, outside of his job.

She was dead. The man holding her cradled her as he never did. He finally became the big brother – the one who tried to protect.

Heero...and Heero became the backdrop again. His eyes closed. He could die now...

Couldn't he?

_"Save you...so...you could save yourself."_

His body stiffened and ricocheted out of his supine position. Where was he? Surrounded on all sides by white - for his protection or theirs?

_(J, It works...blood is a mark of the intensity of brutality.)_

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_I am still like that. Will always be on the outside to those who know me best. But to the only one who never knew me at all - I will always be different._

He caressed it first but he finally placed it next to the enormous headstone. His eyes avoiding the ways the angel's wings sagged downward - as if in failure.

_I will...try...perhaps...if you so...believed it._

Back turned, he never looked over his shoulder again. This would be the first and last time.

"Relena," he whispered as his gait returned once again, stiffed with wide open arcs.

"Take it however you want to," he said to the brother whose fists were clenched, waiting to connect with his jaw. "I did not ask her...but..." He walked past, surprised inwardly that the man had contained himself.

"Perhaps...I am grateful."

Milliardo turned around, only to come face to face with an empty space full of memories. He had sworn, if he was to return to this forsaken burial ground, it would be when he was decaying inside his own casket.

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That was the past. As Heero Yuy got up from his restless sleep, he wiped at the sweat that had gathered at the base of his neck.

J had never talked about the past...or the way it would haunt him. The ultimate ignorance and sheer silence of the topic had been a euphemism. No wonder.

"Perhaps," he mouthed silently, his eyes darting over the blue planet.

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She tossed in her sleep, hearing the soft melody play out, calling for her. The general descended down the stairs and at the bottom, there he met her, giving her his hand to take. With a gentle smile, the two walked across the warmly lit dais.

_'She once told me that fireflies existed only on Earth. I have to admit, I've been trying to prove her wrong ever since.'_

_'Well, she is right, you know? She has firsthand information.'_

_'I know. I just wanted to find them somewhere here so I could catch a glimpse of them. She tells such a sad story about their lives. Sometimes, I almost feel like that is what we are...'_

_He was silent and he leaned over to kiss her forehead gently._

_'A prince and a princess who could never be together although they were always meant for each other...' he said softly. 'A firefly who lights the way in the dark, and yet fades so quickly...'_

_She closed her eyes. 'Are we really like that, Princess?'_

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Her eyes snapped open and it was a second too late before she realized how close she had been to the

edge of the bed. Her body hit the floor with a thud but she laid there, disregarding the slight pain in her head.

_'Your name I can never get and yet you keep coming to me. Telling me stories about a prince and a princess._

_'The General...You come and then you disappear for a long time. Only to let me hear your sad song.'_

She closed her eyes and thought this time she had seen his green eyes, mixing with blue, reminding her of the blue planet. Her eyes slowly opened and she turned to the large window. The half blue planet loomed back at her. Once she thought it was repulsive and ugly, a constantly changing blue sky flushed every now and then with wispy clouds, but now surrounded on all sides by a black sky and constantly stable stars, she wanted to go back again - to the time when she didn't want to grow up or become the scientist.

Enid's hands hit the floor and she made up her mind.

_'Maybe now, maybe now.'_ She got up, making her way across the dimly lit room, hands at the same time

reaching for the previously discarded clothes. The bleak room was again alone except for the pager, constantly emitting red when she disappeared through the only doorway.

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_I knew I had said it to Tsara, nonetheless, but still, I cannot help it at this point. My brain's become a heap of defunct tissue - allowing my thinking to follow in ascending and descending waves. I can't do it. Not when I so desperately need this._

Her hand shakily raised the lit cigarette to her mouth. She inhaled too deeply and had to let out a cough. It had been a while. But when another inhalation came, the cough disappeared altogether and her inhales and exhales became almost synonymous with the flow of the night.

Nicotine...calming to the nerves, she thought with a scoff.

Maybe it was hours, or perhaps only minutes but her lone presence behind the old lab building was disrupted. She failed to notice the footfalls at first, masked by other nightly noises (such as the ruckus from the club a couple of blocks over...) but as they came closer, she dropped her cigarette only to curse angrily when she realized it was her one and only.

"Fuck!"

She quickly got up, searching for her keys to the building when the footfalls stopped. Still muttering curses, she ignored their presence completely. Let them gawk, she thought murderously, they had already reaped her of her only cigarette for the night.

"D...? Is that you?" Bodies stiffened. Hers immediately, whirled away, back toward him. Couldn't be, he told himself. Could it? But he persisted, to the great exasperation of D. "D?" he called again, moving slowly. She could hear the shift in his clothes. He was probably reaching for a gun - it was mandatory here this late at night.

"Yes?" she finally faced him. Realization hit her and she wanted to angrily hit herself. Her brain really was

defunct. He patrolled this place at night. She had completely forgotten. She had tried endlessly for the last 10 or more years to not come here when she knew he was, but her mind it seemed had shut down from its exhausting, overworked purpose. "It's just me," she said with a small forced smile.

Let that be the end of that.

His face softened from it's seriousness. The hand grasping the hidden handle of the gun, relaxed to his side. He did not want to kill anyone tonight.

Thanks, he thought to no one in particular.

He took in her pale appearance. "You've changed...so much," he couldn't help saying quietly as he searched her eyes for any sign of recognition. She looked away quickly.

At first, it had been easy to become friends. He was himself, innocent...peaceful...happy. Then she built

extraordinary ways for him to destroy lives - to kill people. She hadn't been able to contain her guilt when she learned from gossips passed along the hallways behind her as she walked, that he had suffered greatly from what was known as the **D Effect**.

_(How do you do it? Face someone you've created with your selfishness?)_

"And you," she acknowledged. His face she had only glanced by chance – sometimes as reflections from windows, sometimes as a shadow passing her as she hid in the closets. She had never been able to face him...since she sealed his fate.

No longer were there soft curves to a face she remembered belonging to a child. The curves had straightened over the reality of his life into rough sharp edges and lines that did not slant into any one whim.

Bright blue eyes were now hard, a steely ice blue. Almost like hers.

_(I'm sorry...I think I sealed both our fates...)_

He was tall, long thin legs coming from under the black trench coat. Frail thin fingers were still at his sides. Dirty blond hair with shaggy bangs spilled over his forehead, its tips just barely touching his eyes. A handsome young man...who could have been happy - without worries about nightmares after he had killed someone.

"I'm sorry," she broke her gaze. "I have to get going..." She trailed off, hands searching for the keys that should have been in her pockets. He frowned.

"Why are you so quick to avoid me?" Her back straightened, her fingers momentarily forgetting why they were in her pockets in the first place.

"W-what? No...I wouldn't do that." But her voice was shaky. His voice had been shaky too.

"What has become of us?" he asked as he closed the gap between them. His hand reached for her forearm.

His fingers, wrapped tightly around her frail wrist. "Do you know, Scientist?" She jerked away from him.

Was he taunting her? But his eyes were serious, his tone void of any malicious intent. In fact, it had been the tinge of emptiness, sadness and regret that underlined his tone. She was hurt, deeply by the pain that was so obviously apparent in his spirit.

"I am sorry..." She whispered it, afraid he would scoff hearing something so pointless.

For she was sorry - yet she had done it all the while, gone with the plans enthusiastically.

He touched her cheek, trailing a fingertip over it's still soft skin. "I am sorry, too," he breathed. He dropped his hand to his side as his head bowed down to her. "Times have change. They're always changing...and as much as I like to think we can pick up where we left off, it's impossible." He stepped down from the one step he had taken toward her. "It was still...comforting to see you again," he said with a smile.

She relaxed. It was genuine. It was so reeked with the familiar sight of his childish countenance that she had the urge to want to embrace him. Perhaps there was still a chance to become but not return to that time again.

_(But aren't you the Scientist? You should know better.)_

She stopped herself, noticing he had continued walking. Her anxiousness subsided. But then he stopped again.

"D...I..." She heard it, as faint as it was, her heart beating hopefully. Would they try?

He turned around. "Damnit," he cursed as he ran for her suddenly and yanked her by the arm down the short flight of stairs.

"Quatre...?" She was to say the least...confused...but very comforted.

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I came to the stars when I was just a child. I had always been, even before reaching the stars, restless. I never wanted to be my parent's child - I saw myself as their equal and perhaps even to a point their superior. It became my future then, to save those who couldn't save themselves.

I truly believed, all hopes for a future on earth was impossible. Amongst the stars was where I would be able to create something for those who had lost everything.

Maybe it was because I was naive. I was not among those who suffered, nor one of the millions of suffering orphans, trying to find shelter on the streets of an unforgiving world. I was always behind my parent's door, nestled between the comfort of their love and embrace.

It is undoubtedly true then...no one knows the true and full extent until they have experienced it. I wish I had known and believed that so maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament paying retribution to my ignorance.

I should have known though - with mankind, peace is as inevitable as death. It exists in opposition to war, for if there is no war then there would be no peace...right, Scientist?

Right. Peace, it exists as a complex red herring, on the other side of the struggles, for each side to create an even more powerful weapon to counteract or destroy the other.

For my side...I created the Gundams. For my side, I destroyed and created soldiers out of comrades. I orphaned millions more, and took from everyone...a fragment of them that cannot ever be returned.

I had wanted it so bad...and now, I know it all too well.

I am both afraid and awed that I am standing where I am. This is what happens when a child wants to become an adult - she turns the whole world into her playground.

Does anybody love me now? Will...anyone forgive a Scientist for being a child?

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"Hey! What's wrong?" He nudged her slightly. She had been standing there for quite awhile, unaware that she was supposed to be chasing him. His eyes darted over the area of ice she was looking as she snapped out of whatever reverie she had been in.

"Quatre...tell me, what do you see in the ice?" He furrowed his brows. What was she talking about? He looked closely, perhaps there was something more to her question but his mind came up empty.

"Our reflections..."

"You didn't see her?" He looked at her strangely before he glanced at the ice again.

"Her? What do you mean?"

"Never mind," she said quietly and tugged him toward the exit of the ice rink. "Let's go take a walk."

Maybe it was just an illusion, a trick played by a tired brain that needed some form of respite. She let out a small laugh at the idea. But it was still peculiar. When she had first glanced _her_, she could have sworn...that it was her own reflection staring back at her...and yet, she knew she did not have the wisdom of the years reflected in the woman's sad eyes. And the woman, did not have the pent up guilt she had.

How very different we must be then, she thought to herself.

The two replaced their ice skates with shoes and took to the streets. It was night but then again, here on the colonies, it was always night for the sun did not shine for such fake imitations of life. The lights blared from lamp posts, fueled by the raw solar energy of the sun. Her eyes darted from one site to another, but it always ended up straight ahead, at the blue planet that loomed in front of the see-through shield providing the enclosed oxygen.

How long had they been together again? Had it been possible...that they had regained what they had both lost? Unlikely, she thought as she stared at the seriousness emitted on Quatre's face. The only time he had broken into a fit of laughter was when she had fallen on the ice rink. It was true she had been more than marvelous on ice but it seemed, like any other talent, it had become rusty from disuse.

She had almost wish, if he would continue enjoying the part of life that was still his to claim, she would continue falling. Maybe then, she would be able to see some sort of forgiveness from him...from the world.

When the music came, she was caught off guard. It moved slowly toward her, drifting on the particles in their insulated air. She stopped dead in her tracks, holding Quatre back as well.

"D?" he asked concerned. The music hit his ears as well and the two turned in the direction of the music. To the side was a vendor. Enid dropped Quatre's arm as she ran ahead with him tailing closely.

She watched the music boxes in awe. The old man behind watched her closely as she continued to stand there, letting the sight of the intricate boxes seep in. Never had she seen such beautiful music boxes before.

They looked delicately back at her, each playing it's own haunting melody but one specifically called out to her. Without thinking or searching for it, she reached for it and pulled it up for her closer inspection.

It had called to her so desperately...because she had heard it before. It had to be…it was the melody from the dream.

The General's melody.

"You are interested in it?" the old man laughed softly, his laughter like the twinkling of bells. "In that music box are a prince and a princess of legend. They are destined for each other but here, they can never stay together long enough. They are only allow to start a waltz that is never finished." Enid dropped her gaze on the box long enough to look questioningly at the old man.

"It's a legend," he continued, his soft hazel eyes on Quatre now. "About a princess who lived thousands of years ago on one of the stars and a prince who came from Earth. She was as silent as the night but as intelligent as any scholar. He was just as shy but it was what drew them so closely. Eventually they fell in love. Fate, however, would never have it that way and she lost him. Never would she find true love again."

Quatre leaned over and examined the moving figures within the box. He smiled genuinely as he whispered to her, "Ne, D, she kind of looks like you." Sure enough, the figurine dancing in the box held some resemblance to her, or rather to the woman she had seen in the ice. Her ball gown, as small as it was, was as realistic as any dress for a real princess. As she touched the material, she knew it was silk and she saw the fine stitches that made up the intricate regal designs of the dress.

The prince, she did not recognize. He had long wavy blonde hair tied in a pony tail and had on a armor lined with forest green material. Each time they met across the ballroom, he would bow low to her, as she would curtsy in return...and then they would dance but the waltz would end as soon as it came.

It was a sad legend but she couldn't help falling in love with it.

_There was something about tragedies that touched the human soul in a way that couldn't be explained._

"How much do you want for it?" she asked. The old man smiled.

"If it is for you, then it is a gift, my dear. It has been with me for as long as I can remember but no one has ever wanted it. They say it is too sad, a prince and princess that can never have each other. My father once said that when the right person came, I would know.

"Take it. It is my gift."

"I can't do that! I won't take it just like that!" She looked at him aghast that he would suggest such a thing.

He smiled and shook his head gently. "For something that can touch the soul as deeply as that, there is no price. But if I must, all I ask is for a lock of your hair for you truly resemble the princess of legend." Enid smiled despite herself.

"Really?" A pink tinge crossed her features.

"That is all that is worth taking," he said softly. Quatre took a pocket knife from his pocket and handed it to her.

She sniped a good lock of her silky blue hair and handed it to him.

With the music box in her hands, the two left.

"Play the tune, will you?" he requested. She spun the dial on the side. Softly, the music began and the couple began waltzing. Quatre took her hand and held it tightly. It was indeed a beautiful song - a melody that tugged deep at the soul.

"I never knew you could be so enchanted with a legend," he commented. "Even I am enchanted."

"Perhaps not the legend but the music box," she tried to excuse but she knew, and he knew, that it was really the legend and the melody that had captured both their attentions.

"You're too much of the scientist. Questions and answers, theories and truths..." He laughed. She shivered with a smile. "Are you cold?"

"Just a bit," she replied. He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her tightly. Enid gave into his warmth, just like when they were children. He led her toward his favorite spot under a cherry blossom tree.

They laid there, watching the stars. The music box between them, playing softly. Slowly, his hand found its way into hers and unconsciously, their hands locked tightly together.

"It's sad, isn't it? How cruel someone's fate can be?" She nodded as he squeezed her hand.

"I would be happy though, no matter what...as long as you are still here with me, D." She gave him a sidelong glance as she studied him. His eyes were closed, revealing the angelic face she had upon meeting him, associated with him. The strong angles lining his face were still there, but they seemed more a part of him now.

He really meant it. She could feel her heart beating faster and melting if it was possible.

"I feel like we're the prince and princess," he stopped, breaking her train of thoughts. She raised an eyebrow and was about to ask him more when he continued, "But I am unsure how."

"Maybe we'll find out someday," she suggested faintly. He smiled, nodding in agreement.

Enid closed her eyes and tightened her hold on his hand. Another human's warmth had never been so comforting...or nice before.

If the only person who forgave her was him then she would have been happy.

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"I guess this is good night," he murmured softly. Thank goodness it was dark, he thought for his once pale skin was turning a deep shade of red. She nodded as if in a trance. The night had been so magical she did not want to think about going back to a room full of machines and he did not want to go back into the war torn world he was a part of.

"Good bye, D." He dropped her hand as he slowly edged away. "Take care," he added softly.

"You too," she said after him. He turned around to wave to her. As she watched him move further away, she felt a sudden impulse to stop him.

_Do it, D_. The inner voice was cajoling her as she stood there. His tall frame was disappearing into the dark but she realized the slow gait he was walking with. Smiling, she decided to do it.

"Quatre!" He turned around at the drop of the call.

"Yes?" he yelled.

She ran down the steps, her heart beating with each footfall.

She stopped in front of him and without thinking anymore because she knew if she did, she would back out of it, she took his handsome face into her hands and drew him down. She kissed him gently on the lips and pulled back quickly, feeling the heat rush through her entire being. She knew her face had gone completely red. She had never been so bold before...but hearing that legend had struck her, urging her to find a happy ending to her own misery.

Trembling, she backed away, afraid of what she would find in his eyes. His tugging on her forearm stopped her. She looked him in the eyes questioningly as he smiled teasingly.

With one hand caressing her cheek, he leaned down again and this time, he kissed with all the weight of the world beyond him.

It was just him, Quatre, a man and her, Enid, a woman.

Forget the soldier and scientist aspects. For now, it was just them...

Just two people trying to find salvation.

Xx xx Xx

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Xx

Levina stopped counting the days.

She spent her days in the corner of the cell, watching the cracks in the floor, her fingers forever brushing over the soft and intricate surfaces of the earrings.

Slowly, she rocked herself back and forth and slowly, the tears came to fall onto the cloth he had given with the rose earrings.

On the white cloth, he had written a message for her. It was just a few words but it had held so much power over her - cradling her when the pain came and soothing her when her sadness wouldn't relent. Now, the scribbled message had been long washed away with her tears. All she had was the rugged cloth, waiting to be further broken down.

"Trowa...why won't you come anymore?" She breathed in. "Why not?" She breathed out.

It was a sad existence and now she saw why those captured in battle would rather die then be prisoners of war.

_'It's not beautiful nor is it simple like the books portray it.'_

_'It's a dark place that you want to become a part of...'_

_'Will you ever be ready, Levina?'_

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Before she could open the door, she heard the click of a gun. It's barrel pointed at the base of her neck. The trigger waiting to be pulled.

"What do you want?" she asked shakily. Her perpetrator let out a shaky laugh, an almost recognizable sound.

"You really can't recognize me?" Her eyes widened, one hand dropping the keys, while the other tried to hold onto the delicate music box. The keys hit the floor with a resounding cling, waking her out of her frozen stupor.

"Tsara." She whirled around to face her friend but was surprised to find the gun still pointed at her.

_What had gone wrong? What had led to this?_

"You don't know what you're doing," she said.

"Your tone says otherwise. Don't you think I have the guts to pull this trigger?"

_And on a friend, no less. Was it possible?_

Had forgiveness finally come in the form of a gun barrel?

Just a while ago, she had been happy...forgiveness in the form of his tender kiss. She had been convinced, she could still find a happy ending in such a sinned world.

Enid backed up against the door, her fear emanating on her face.

"You can't..."

The gun was cocked into her neck, falling into the cavity that was there. She shook, so horribly she was afraid the music box would drop and her prince and princess, forever lost in broken shards.

The trigger was pulled and all Enid could do was close her eyes.

"Forgive me," she whispered - two words barely audible.

Xx xx Xx

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**NOTES:** Okay, I know it's been too long but I could never give up on this fic. I've been forever stuck on this chapter because I could not get it to come out as I had wanted and nothing worked! This fic's been my favorite, one I hope will challenge people to think beyond what's been written. I hope there are those still enjoying this. I promise everything will be clearer soon as the plot continues to develop. I really love the generals/inners genre so you will notice a lot of hints of that in this fic. Why? Because, as they were dying, they had asked to feel what Usagi felt. Instead of getting the fairy tale dream Usagi has, they only glimpses and bits and pieces of things that might have been but weren't…Don't worry though, I'm not completely cruel. You'll see towards the end, why there's been so much challenges and carnage in this fic. It all has to do with the plot, so please bear with me. I promise a totally different view of both the GW/SM worlds! REVIEW!


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